a little of this, a little of that

I went back to work last week while Amanda was in Florida. Having all the 3-5 year olds was not much fun, but this week is already much better with Spring Break over and things back to normal. I really wish I didn't have to work so much. I hate having Luci there when she's so young, but I know it won't hurt her. Once Jacob and I can get extra caught up from me being on leave, we'll be doing good and then we can continue to catch up on doctor's bills and start saving for Sophia's school. We applied for the financial aid and feel very confident we will get it, but we don't know what we'll have to pay and so I would really like to get a good start on saving our portion of tuition.

I have to take Alice to the ENT on Wednesday morning. She got another ear infection right after getting off of the antibiotic this time. I feel so bad for her and her Bowling ears. I am sure the doctor will put tubes in. We are going to the same doc who did Sophia's and I really liked him a lot. It's pretty bad that after this, three of my four children will have had surgery. When do you think Luci will get her turn? AND am I the only one who finds it ironic that with all the crap Simeon has been through, he has great ears?

Also, last night while talking to Jacob we had a life changing epiphany. I think just maybe I am lactose intolerant. I was kidding around about it after feeling terrible after drinking milk. I always feel terrible if I drink milk. I don't much like it and it always makes me feel sick. I never eat much dairy, but I eat a lot of cheese and we'll just say... I have other symptoms. My stomach always hurts, just achy, sometimes nauseous. I was reading about intolerance and apparently it is very rarely are you born that way. Teenage/Adult onset is pretty common. It ranges in severity and gets worse as you get older. I totally think I could be lactose intolerant based on everything I read. I know it's silly to self diagnose based information from webmd, but I don't think it's unreasonable to cut out dairy from my diet as a trial run to see how I feel. If I notice a difference then maybe it's true. Do you know how hard it will be for me to not eat cheese?

My mom turned 50 on Friday. I noticed it was her birthday. I shrugged it off, because well pretending not to care is how I roll. Then I realized it was the 50th and for some reason that made it worse. How can she not care about all she is missing in her life. How can she not care about her children and how they are getting along. How can she not care about her own life or ours? HOW CAN SHE JUST NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?? I just don't understand and it makes me so mad I could spit. I am so thankful for the family I have been blessed with in the Bowlings and at Englewood. Sometimes I think about how it would be if they were not there to hold me up and I cannot imagine life without them. I love my in-laws more than they could ever know and I know it's mostly because they have been more like parents to me in the last 8 years than my parents in all 24 of my life. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. It makes me thankful. All at the same time.