Saturday, January 28, 2017

I don't like abortion, but I don't identify as "pro-life" either.

I'm not pro-choice or pro-life because I fall somewhere in between. Some say that isn't possible because if you're okay with even one abortion then you're a murderer, but I don't think the line is that solid.

Do I agree with abortion? No, not really. Not usually. Not as a solution to a choice you made, a fix to the situation you got yourself into when you chose to have unsafe sex. I do believe that life begins at conception. A fetus is a life and to take it is a very sad thing. However, I also don't think that my opinion, my belief, triumphs over all. I do not think that what I believe, based on religion, morals, ethics, or whatever you want to call it should be held to a higher standard just because I think it is the right opinion. I don't think laws should be put into place criminalizing an act as "wrong" because some people choose to say it is. Would I have an abortion? No, I don't believe I would. Do I think that all women who have had an abortion are evil, terrible, murderous people? Absolutely not.

We talk about abortion as though it is a really easy thing for women to wake up in the morning, stroll over to the clinic and say, "Hi, I'm here to kill my baby. Can I have the registration forms please?" Are there some people who use it as their method of birth control? Probably. Do I think that is the norm? Absolutely not.

The funny thing about science it that it is real. For some women, a pregnancy makes them incredibly ill. They could even want that pregnancy, but for whatever reason biologically, it makes them sick. They had no way of knowing this would happen when they conceived, but here she is pregnant and it is threatening her life. So the family is forced to choose between the living, breathing, tangible formed person before them and the life within her.

The line is not that solid.

What about when a woman is raped and becomes pregnant? Well there's always adoption, right? Never mind the problems with the system and the politics of the process of adoption. Never mind that there are hundreds, thousands of children in the system without families. (Where's all those pro-life people when the kid is 10?) Have you ever been raped? Can you honestly tell me you think it is perfectly okay to MAKE a woman - or a little girl, if we're painting the whole picture - spend an entire 40 weeks living what happened to them over and over again? Some women can handle that, and make the choice of adoption. Some aren't that strong. Mental health is just as, if not more, important as physical health. And by the way, chances are they're haunted eternally by the assault no matter what, but unless you've been through it, your opinion does not matter. What would I do? Probably not abortion, but I don't know. I've never become pregnant as a result of rape. What if it was my 13 year old daughter? How do you make that decision? 

The line is not that solid.

What if the baby is sick or in some way not going to make it anyway? We say that's not for us to decide. We're playing God, right? But again, who are we to ask someone to fully carry a baby, go through the birth of this baby, something that is supposed to be happy, and then literally watch it die. Well there are miracles, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Some families can go through that. I've seen it. Some aren't that strong.

Just because I wouldn't do something a certain way, or think I wouldn't do something in a certain way, doesn't mean that I can't have understanding for another's decision. Compassion for another's situation. No one comes to the decision of abortion lightly. It is something she will carry with her every day until she dies. Just because I think it is wrong or I would never do it does not mean that I have the right to tell others how to live their lives or navigate their hardest situations.

As far as laws go, and de-funding these places that service abortion. You're doing nothing to prevent abortion. Nothing. They're going to happen whether you want them to or not. I have enough sense to understand that. Making it inaccessible is only going to lead to the loss of 2 lives as the conditions of abortions decline and the mortality rate of women rises. Well that's what they get since they're murderous evil women, right? Thought you were pro-life?

The line isn't that solid.

While we're on the subject, those of you who think all of us who love Planned Parenthood are abortion lovers - you couldn't be more ignorant about it. In an age when we're still not sure who will have affordable healthcare, places like PP provide well woman care to women who need it. That is pap smears to screen for disease and CANCER. That's breast exams to screen for breast cancer. That's general health screening to test for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and thyroid screening to name a few. That's vaccines for public health. That's STD screening and treatment to keep rates of communicable diseases and the complications from these diseases low. That's family planning services. Birth control. What do you think is going to happen if you take away affordable access to birth control? What's going to happen to a women with early onset cervical cancer who does not have health insurance (because her "Obamacare" was also repealed) and she has no idea because she can't afford to see an OBGYN for recommended screening. It's only recommended right? She needs that money for her rent and her groceries and there probably isn't anything wrong with her anyway, right? She's going to find out she has cancer, that could have been cured, when she's sick enough to end up in an ER. When they tell her it has spread and she has months to live. But somehow her life isn't as important as that cute, chubby little baby's life, right?

The line isn't that solid.

Federal funds haven't been legally able to be used for abortion services in years, but instead of actually being informed we put on our "we know better than everyone" hats and march around proclaiming that our opinions, our beliefs are the only thing that could possibly be right. These opinions are better than yours because they're mine, and I am never wrong. That's not how I choose to live. I don't like abortion. I'd probably never have one. I say "probably" because I will never be faced with a situation where it's on the table and I don't make a habit of thinking I know what it is like to go through something I haven't gone through. Criminalizing and making abortion inaccessible only makes women, who are going through one of the absolute worst decisions in their life, do it unsafely and with more weight on their shoulders. More fear. More uncertainty. More depression and anxiety. More unnecessary consequences. More stigma. More shame. Trust me, they've got enough of that already. 

As for the white haired old guys who think they know what is best for my body - you don't. My husband so argumentatively asked, "So because I'm a man, I'm not allowed to think abortion is wrong?" I didn't say that. Of course you can think anything you want. BUT dear white man husband, you have never had to deal with anything controversial in your entire life. You'll never know what it is like to have someone take away the rights to your own body because they think they know better than you. After all, they're always right. You'll likely never be raped. Definitely never be pregnant. And you'll never have to make the decision to choose between the life of your wife and the life of your unborn child. You'll never know what it's really like and neither will I. Our opinion that it is "wrong" is just that. An opinion. A belief. It isn't law. It isn't the one and only answer that governs every single situation.

The line isn't that solid.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

#BlackLivesMatter

I've literally run out of fucking words.


I want to say something meaningful. I want to say something helpful. I want to say something. 

Anything at all. 

I have no fucking words. Just anger, and sadness, and exasperation at the fact that we apparently can't go a single fucking day without shooting a black person dead in the street. I don't care if he had a concealed weapon. I don't care if he had weed in his car, which in legal in some places by the way, so there's that. I don't care if he ends up having a rap sheet a mile long. He, and so many others, don't get to tell their side of the stories or even get the option of a fair, just trial, not that I really believe that is a thing. You know why? Because they're dead. At the hands of police officers. For being black. 

I mean, sure he probably (maybe?) wasn't like "oh, a black person, I think I'll go kill him" But how many black males get pulled over everyday for driving while black. A shit ton, that's how many.

Don't try to feed me your bullshit that it isn't about race. In 14 years of driving, I've never once even been pulled over. One of my cars currently has expired plates. Never been pulled over. 

Let that sink in. 

So maybe I have some words. But none of them are good. I never know all the facts in these stories. I don't want to offend people (and by people of course, I mean my black friends) or say the wrong thing and come off high and mighty in my comfy white world so I keep my mouth shut. I fill with anger and hate that I'm not entitled to and I stay quiet, but I'm tired of being silent. I am tired of the excuses and the skewed perspective and the "well he shouldn't have..." justification bullshit. I'm tired. And if I'M tired, I can only pretend to imagine what the black community is. 

I am appalled and ashamed and horrified at what we, as people, have become, or rather at what we have persisted to be. In 1963, MLK said that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. That whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Anyone who lives here in the country cannot be considered an outsider inside it's boundaries. Now days we teach that letter from Birmingham jail and it's considered our history, but is it really? Injustice is still injustice no matter how you paint it.

We are all a part of the history that is being written as I type. You don't get to pretend this shit isn't still real. That it isn't happening daily because you choose not to notice. It's out of hand and unless we stop looking the other way it is never, ever going to stop. Thoughts and prayers are fine. I'm down with that too. But maybe, just maybe, it's time to get off our asses and actually do something. So you can turn and look away or you can stand up and shout. You know my ass can be loud.


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Take Me Back Tuesday - Luci

One week until this gorgeous girl turns 6!

Luci, Age 2


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Take Me Back Tuesday - Old friends

Luci is turning 6 in a few weeks. Thought I would share a couple pictures of my sweet girl with one of her dearest lifelong friends.
Luci and Evyn in the nursery at Daycare.


Luci and Evyn last summer at Kings Island.

These two are forever friends.