Thursday, May 17, 2012

Eat this, not that!

Have you ever watched that show called "My Strange Addiction" on Discovery or TLC, or one of the 100 other crappy channels I no longer get? It's pretty jacked up. They have these crazy guys and gals who are doing and eating ridiculous stuff. This one lady ate drywall all day. For real. This other lady ate her husband's ashes. HIS ASHES! From his urn. HIS URN! Then she was crying because he was "almost gone." What the hell? Right?

Well, it turns out I am addicted to eating too. Processed, artifically flavored, whole fat, pre-packaged goodness. Items I can walk into my kitchen and grab and snack on mindlessly while I gain a pound a week. Can't get enough of it! Food that is coated and deep fried and likely completely clogging every arterty in my heart by the time I am 50. Please, and thank you!

Too bad it's obliterating my small intestine, making my hair fall out, causing my joints to ache, my head to explode and nausea and/or vomiting post most every meal, plus a whole lot of other crap that is likely related including the erosion in the lower part of the stomach.

You'd think it would be easy to walk away. Set down the box and back slowly away from the kitchen. Surprising to everyone except heroin addicts, it's not.

I know if I was watching this happen to someone else my judgemental self would be all, "I can't believe she ain't completely gluten-free yet. Don't she know she's only hurting herself? Why she wanna be sick all the time when all she has to do is change what she eats. If that was me I would do what I needed to do to be healthy."

But since it's me I'm all, "pass the rolls."

This must be how people feel when they are told they have diabetes. It's no wonder there are 60 year old men out there going blind and losing limbs and healing all poorly from cuts and stuff. When you've been stuffing crap into your body for this many years and someone tells you that you have to do a complete 180 turn. It's like they're saying "ok, I know you've used this arm your whole life, but we're going to cut it off now and you can learn to live without it. It won't be hard." Um, yeah. It will be.

I have stocked my pantry.... well, the cabinet next to the TV in my kitchen. Yeah, I don't actually have a pantry, but re-runs of late 90's sitcoms entertain me while I bake so it's a good trade. Regardless, there are flours in my kitchen I didn't even know exsisted. I have a total of 7 Gluten-Free Info/Cook/Hell books out from the library. I have bookmarked so many online websites and blogs for celiac disease that my IE "favorites" list has cut me off.

I am overwhelmed.

Making excuses. Setting an imaginary "start date" that should have been a year ago when I first had the blood testing done.

This sucks. Pass the rolls.

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