Just keep swimming...

Happy 3rd Birthday Lucilla!

2012-01-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

It seems like just yesterday you were born...

Happy 3rd Birthday to my wonderful, sweet, loving, kind little girl!

Monday, Monday...

2011-10-21T20:10:00.006-04:00

Well it has been 4 years since we got a diagnosis of ketotic hypoglycemia. We have managed to stay out of the doctor's line of vision with the exception of the yearly "how are we doing" visit. Simeon has not had a true, dangerous episode since November of last year. Almost a whole year! Well, until Monday that is.

Simeon went to bed Sunday night complaining that his belly hurt. I assumed that he was fishing, as he always does, for an excuse to not lay down and go to sleep. Much like how desperately thirsty he manages to become at bedtime. I gave it no thought, told him to rest, and he'd feel better in the morning. He didn't. He woke me around 5am on Monday. His belly still hurt. Laying in the playroom and watching cartoons was certainly a perfectly reasonable remedy to a belly ache so those were the instructions he got. Not because I wanted to sleep a little longer, but because I knew it would help. Honest.

He began throwing up sometime around 9 and I began frantically trying to find someone to cover my shift at work. After the second time he vomited I knew where this was heading. I couldn't believe it. No one else has been sick. He never gets sick. I broke out the glucometer and ketostix.

Lesson in hypoglycemics:
Glucometer: Device used to test one's blood sugar.
Ketostix: Little test strips to evaluate one's urine for ketones.
Ketones in Urine= Ketonuria= Body has no sugar to break down, thus is breaking down fat instead.

Simeon's blood sugar was holding steady as equal amounts of gatorade went in and, eventually, came out. His ketones were between small and moderate, a normal value for him in a seemingly fasting state. Message with the metabolism nurse at Riley. Check! Simeon was allowed a banana rather than the yogurt he wanted and is now fully educated on the BRAT diet. He proceeded to later tell everyone that he ate a banana because he could only have that, applesauce, rice, or toast. It was pretty funny. Little sponge.

The day progressed with me trying to get a hold of someone at Riley who would inevitably tell us to come in. Sugar was down to 76, his ketones were now darker than the +4 "large" category on the little bottle. Sim became lethargic and fell asleep on my bed. At least he wasn't throwing up right? The whole thing sucked, just as I always imagined it would. I ended up finally talking with Dr. Stuy's nurse and the Dr. wanted Sim to come in for evaluation, fluids, and blah blah blah. Off we went.

The worst of it seemed to be over as soon as I drove through the gate in the parking garage. He chatted up the nurses who triaged him and followed obediently to our room in the ER. He talked baseball with the young resident who came in to treat him. He tolerated his zofran rather well despite the look of terror on his face as it dissolved. The fact that he saw so many doctors at a young age could have scarred him badly, but he always, always handles it so well. I can remember him screaming bloody murder over having his blood pressure taken at the neurosurgery office when he was 2, now he's getting compliments on how well he behaved getting his vitals done and finger pricked for a glucose reading in triage. Up to 88, by the way. We went home without IVs and with a script for zofran, since it seemed to help.

Days like that make me wish he was just a normal little boy, but in reality he could be so much worse off. I am thankful that we only have a small thing to deal with. I am thankful that he handles it so well, and that he is finally old enough to mostly understand what's going on when this happens. He can outgrow anytime from a year ago until around age 8. If not by then, he likely won't. I hope for sooner, rather than later.

5 Months!

2011-10-12T00:01:00.001-04:00

Charlotte is 5 months old today! Isn't she super adorable?

She already has such a personality. She smiles at everyone. She LOVES people and any attention they're willing to give her. She is rolling over both ways and sitting up assisted. I am sure she is teething, or she really likes to drool. One or the other.

She got her first taste of baby cereal in the photo above. She pretty much felt the same way about sweet potatoes when introduced yesterday. We are still nursing! Woo! I wasn't sure what would happen when I started working right at 6 weeks. Through a lot of determination we are still going strong, though I will remind you... I hate pumping.

Long time, no blog...

2011-09-27T21:22:00.005-04:00

I can't believe I have not posted anything since Charlie was a week old. How is that possible? Five kids, one of whom is a baby, a full time job, laundry for 7, etc etc. Okay, so I suppose it's possible.So much to catch up on. Charlotte is 4.5 months old. She is amazing in every way. She really enjoys her feet. They are basically her whole world right now. She also takes much delight in her hands. She's constantly a soaking mess. She spits up with the best of them, and drools like all her teeth are coming in tomorrow. We love her anyway.Lucilla is hanging in there. She gets lost in the chaos that is her life. She's talking so much now and hilarious, like her siblings. She is just a little toddler now, which I suppose is appropriate as she gets closer and closer to 3 every day.

Alice is still a handful! She started going to school this year at the Oaks. Pre-K is wearing her out! We've had meltdowns on an 18-month-old-Alice level, but she's slowly getting better. We're working on using our big girl words. Tonight she tried shoving Luci out of her way for a spot next to me on the bed. I simply said to her, "Alice it isn't very nice to push your sister, all you had to do was ask to sit next to me." She asked me if she could try again. I was shocked. The typical response to discipline is exasperation and tears. She stood up and said, "mommy may I please lay next to you?" Yes. Yes you can. Every. Single. Day. Simeon started his "real" Kindergarten this year. He amazes me. He's like a little sponge. Be careful what you do or say in front of him. He remembers everything. No seriously, EVERYTHING. Many of his sentences start with "remember when you said..." Oiy. I mostly just don't even talk to him anymore. Just kidding, of course. He's the funniest kid ever. Why wouldn't I talk to him? He's also already reading better than me. Well, almost. Simeon also just celebrated his 6th birthday. I cannot believe my son is 6. Funny how those cliches come true. Time sure does fly. They really do grow up, way too fast.
Sophia is still the most loving, caring child I know. She loves to sing. So much. So, so much. She is in 2nd grade this year and it's so much fun. She's reading actual books, not just that "See Spot Run" crap. Her favorite is Junie B. Jones, though she doesn't actually like to read too much. Unless it's bedtime, by golly. Then she's a mess if her booklight isn't working. Funny how that happens. She just celebrated her 8th birthday and first slumber party. We all survived. The girls had a blast. I'm not sure I will ever live up to the "best sleepover birthday party" raves again. I'm not sure I will ever try.I am working full time as a medical assistant. Who knew all that hard work and a degree would land me such a sweet gig? I love every bit of it. The gals (and one guy) I work with are great and the patients are hilarious. I come home almost every day with a new favorite story. I won't write much about work, because well, HIPAA. I like my job, house, kids, and freedom. So I think I will keep them thankyouverymuch. I hate leaving the baby. I hate pumping with a passion. BUT I feel like every step of my journey prepares me for working with women someday. This is just another step. I have a new appreciation for breastfeeding now that I am doing it working full time. I know this experience will help me to help women like me down the road. I still hate pumping though.

I am planning on going back to school in January. I am not making any laid-in-stone plans, but I am meeting with an advisor soon to find out what will transfer and what my timeline will look like for the BSN program. I am scared to death, but excited at the same time. I don't know how I will do it. So for future reference for all those people who love to tell me they don't know how I "do it"... there's my secret answer. Neither do I.

I will try to write more. I like to write. I just have to find the time. Maybe I can convince someone to add a few hours to each day.

Wordless Wednesday - A Week of Charlie

2011-05-18T00:01:00.002-04:00

Welcome Baby Girl!

2011-05-15T15:09:00.004-04:00

Charlotte Johannah Bowling

May 12, 2011

6:23am

7 pounds 8 ounces

21 inches long

13.5" head

Waiting patiently... or not so much.

2011-05-05T14:34:00.005-04:00

New Blog post? Wha?!!?!

I have reached 38 weeks 3 days pregnant and I officially hate my body. Like many women I get to experience that lovely prodromal labor. For hours. And days. And weeks. Hopefully not weeks this time, but you get my drift. As I write this I am contracting sporadically. Let me tell you, the more children you've had, the more this so-called "false labor" hurts. Not like super painful, but enough that I would rather punch myself in the face than do this for another week. At my appointment yesterday I let her check me. Mostly out of curiosity since I had been having such regular labor like contractions all morning. I'm currently sitting at 4cm, and 50% effaced. If you don't know what that means, well, it actually doesn't mean much. I hesitate to want to tell people because then you get "Oh, you'll have that baby by the weekend" or "Not much longer now!" In reality, I could walk around 4cm dilated for days. Weeks even. I probably wont, but I could. It's still nice to know all this "practice" is doing something to help me along and maybe when she finally decides to make her appearance I will get another short hard labor despite her being posterior.

The timing on this pregnancy and birth is really starting to annoy me much more than I first thought also. I am supposed to graduate on Saturday afternoon. Sure it's a 2 year associates degree that took me 4 years to get. Sure it's a Community College and not that big a deal to most people. It's a big deal to me. I have worked my butt off for the last 4 years and I am incredibly proud that I was able to accomplish this with everything else going on in my life. My cap and gown are hanging in the dining room. The shoes I bought (on clearance-Score!) are upstairs in my closet, still in the box. I am sure my water will break on Saturday morning. That is my luck. If not, I won't be able to enjoy myself at the ceremony, worried every second that I am going to go into labor.

It almost, almost makes me understand those women who get the positive pregnancy test, calculate their due date, and then check the calendar for when they'd like to schedule their c-section. Almost.

Alright, now that I've complained enough-for now, I leave you with some visual enjoyment. Stuff I made for the baby over the last couple of weeks. It's all patiently waiting. Wondering when she's coming. Just like the rest of us.

2 dozen cloth diapersMy favorite 2 Prints10 Pairs PUL lined washable flannel nursing padsDiaper Liners
Cloth Wipes

Sewing for Baby

2011-03-09T17:06:00.008-05:00

In my head I would really like to sew more. In my motivation level and schedule, I have been trying. I really want to make some things for Charlotte before she comes and so far I have succeeded in making a few. I made two gowns using a shirt pattern from Ottobre and drafted it longer using another gown pattern I have as a guide. I don't really like the pattern I have and this combination worked well for a lazy sewer like me. This came from Ottobre and is the shirt I talked about before. I love the footed pants because what baby keeps socks on its feet? None that I know of, usually. This way she can have something besides a sleeper, yet still keep those feet covered. I am really proud of the next two outfits. They are from the New Conceptions Baby Essentials pattern and went together so nicely. The pattern is so easy and I love the way they turned out. I have been holding this owl fabric for a while and I was nervous to cut it, but so glad I did. I paired it with some brown and I just LOVE it! I bought the pink stripes when I was pregnant with Luci thinking I would make something for her. I never did and I have just been waiting for the perfect opportunity to cut into it.

I made myself a couple nursing bras using this pattern. It is really simple, but it only goes to a size Large, and well, let's just say I needed to adjust the sizing in the bust a little. I made the first one as is, in a large to see how much I needed to adjust and where, and then I made this one with my adjustments. I need to take it in a little at the sides because I shouldn't have added so much at the arm holes. They both fit fine, but aren't a perfect fit. I plan to make a few more and they go together so fast I should be able to get it perfect by the time I need them.
I have also made Simeon some new boxer brief underwear, though I didn't take a picture. He is despretely in need of some new ones and they are so easy it's silly to spend the money on them when all it takes is a little knit fabric and elastic - which I happen to have way too much of. I made Alice some new panties too. I never thought making underwear could be fun, but lo and behold, it is! I wish I had time to sew everyday, but alas, I don't. I will take what I can get though, and hope to crank out a few more things here and there as the kids will let me.

Ice Storm 2/1/2011

2011-02-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

Schools were closed for 4 days and the city looked rather ghost town-ish. We didn't leave the house for several days and I was quite stir crazy, as were the kids. I was so afraid of falling, the ground stayed slippery for quite some time. We saw several breaks and sprains in the ER. It was really cool though, and really pretty.

Happy 2nd Birthday Lucilla!

2011-01-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

Decorating the Christmas Tree

2010-12-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

Simeon showing Sophia his baby's 1st Christmas ornament.
He though it was pretty amazing.

Luci needing help......Daddy helping Luci

Decorating!The finished tree with some smiling faces.

First Snowfall

2010-12-10T19:00:00.005-05:00

Winter is here! We got our first big snowfall of the year last weekend and the kids were SO excited. Me, not so much. I cannot say it enough: I hate snow. It is beautiful though. I just don't want it to get all slushy, soak the backs of my pants, and make me cold. Maybe I should buy some boots and my whole attitide would change, but I doubt it.
Snow Bunnies!!Ortiz likes snow too.

Snowball Fight!
Yum! Snow tastes good.

Luci couldn't wait to get out there!

16 weeks

2010-12-03T22:27:00.006-05:00

I was 16 weeks on Monday. I haven't taken pictures in a couple of weeks so I thought tonight was as good as any to take some. Sophia was my photographer. The dumb look on my face is because I was trying to tell her how to take a picture. You know, because it's hard. The gigantic belly is because I am growing a human.

And because comparing is just so much fun, here is me at 13 weeks and now at 16. I personally appreciate the same poorly maintained bad hair in both pictures. Oh well. Who has time for good hair anyway?

2 weeks 3 days until we find out what parts this baby is rockin'! Not that I am keeping track or anything...

Thanksgiving Break, and other things too.

2010-12-01T22:19:00.003-05:00

I think the weeks are getting longer. At least it feels that way sometimes. I am drawing near to a place where I can breathe. Maybe for a small amount of time anyway. The last couple of weeks have been coconuts. Finals are almost over and I am almost done with work. Only 8 more days. Not that I'm counting. I should also know my extern site within the next few days. Super excited!

My kids took turns being mildly ill during my week off of work and school, so that was a real treat. It sounds like a lot of people's kids had the bug really bad, so I can't complain too much, but it still kinda sucked between that and the chaos of planning, and cooking a Thanksgiving feast. Yes, I made a feast! Simeon was the worst of the crew and though he really wasn't that sick, only diarrhea all day, I couldn't keep anything in him long enough to keep his sugar up. I monitored him all day and kept him stable, but it was no fun for either of us. Made me glad that I don't have to do that all the time anymore. I knew if he got any worse, we would likely spend the next day getting IVs at Riley so I went to bed hoping for the best.

He went too long over night though, mostly because he didn't eat much at dinner I imagine. I should have known better. I should have woke him in the night and fed him. I just didn't think about it. Maybe a bad part of rarely actually having to notice his disease. I just didn't think about it. You know how you keep track of all the really dumb crap you've done as a mom? This is now on that list. When I tried to wake him on Tuesday morning he was well into hypoglycemic shock. I still don't even know how he managed to wake up and sit up long enough to drink his Dr. Pepper - the only quick sugar I had that he could actually take in his state. He was very zombie-like, moving and talking in extreme slow motion. I took a blood sugar from him when I realized I couldn't wake him, and he was pale and sweaty. It was 34. Wait. That can't be right, another test strip, 1..2..3..poke. 33. Crap. Crap like, CRAP! I have never prepared a glass of soda so fast in all my days. Luckily he did wake and drink and we didn't have to call 911 for a glucagon shot. He probably would have thought the ambulance saving him was cool. Me, not so much. Makes me wonder if I should have a glucagon shot on hand. I don't even know if they hand those out at the pharmacy, but I think I would be one cool mom with a diaper bag full of life saving shots. Glucagon, check. Epi-Pen, check. I would rock.

In his eyes I already rock. He spent much of the day bragging about how he got to have DR PEPPER! I'm thinking, man this is saving your brain cells from dying and you from passing out, but you're such a deprived kid you just think it's cool you got to have soda. The little things, right?

I made Thanksgivng dinner this year and somehow we all survived it. My mother came and that was a real, um, treat. Jake tells me that she doesn't bother anyone but me, so maybe I am just a jerk. Whatever. Maybe his mom has been around and loving and helpful since he was born. Whatever. The day was tolerable and my kids LOVED having Grandma Denise there. She was like a shiny new toy for them to play with and talk the ears off of and they hardly got in my way at all. I didn't screw up the turkey, everything tasted yummy. But I forgot to make the stuffing. Granted I bought Stove Top, but how do you forget to have stuffing on Thanksgiving? I'm still counting it as a win.

I went shopping, of course and got lots of fabulous items at spectacular black friday prices. I don't want to talk about the 2 hours I spent waiting for video games at Wal-Mart, the angry mob at said video game case when they tried not to sell all the games at black friday prices, or the fact that I left that bag at the register and the jerk behind me took it home. I did get my money back, but what kind of grown man takes things that don't belong to them? He saw me pay for those things, he should have left them there. (We went back to the store and they reviewed the tapes since nothing was turned in as left at the register. Jerk.)

Oh well, I still got all my shopping done for the kids and am almost done with everyone. Though, as you know we are not dull people and now our van is in the shop. Jake broke down on the interstate Monday night while driving to pick me up from school. They think it is the transmission. Super. Because I have $2,000 laying around. I don't know what we'll do, but we always seem to manage, so I suppose we will this time too.

Ramblings in the night

2010-11-18T01:45:00.004-05:00

I have been feeling the flutters of what seems to be another human growing slowly within my woman parts. It's always so random I stop in my tracks and say "was that the baby?!" It must have been. Cool! Some day soon the not-quite-as-little darling will be kicking my ribs and I will have no memory of these flutters.

I have entered my second trimester and apart from the very large bump attached to my front I really have no complaints. I have not really felt pregnant that much. It's kinda a nice change of pace from wanting to hurl everything I've even looked at into the toilet. I am still pretty tired, though it's hard to make that complaint while typing a 2am blog entry. I have also began spending 1/3rd of my life in the restroom, but that surely has something to do with my well experienced extra stretched uterus sitting atop my delicate little bladder. I
really have enjoyed this pregnancy because I haven't been miserable. I hope that doesn't change too much as the weeks go on.

While I am here I must add the reason for my rambling at this hour. The obvious is I can't sleep, the reasoning is Jacob's follow-up with the hematologist/oncologist is tomorrow afternoon. I have to work and can't be there. I am nervous, but I think he is really nervous. He never talks too much about things like this, but he has brought up a couple of times now that he's nervous about going. As we lay in bed this evening he confessed he has a bad feeling about it. I have not had good feeling for a while, but I'm crazy and worry about everything. It's incredibly unlike him to be negative about something like this. I just wish he didn't have to go alone. His appointment is at 1pm. I pray he gets nothing but good news and a relief filled drive home from Fishers.

Wordless Wednesday - Into the second trimester

2010-11-17T00:01:00.001-05:00

Don't be jealous of how sexy I am. I just can't help it you know.

13 weeks

14 weeks 1 day

2010-11-05T10:11:00.004-04:00

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month!

Many of my readers know that my father passed away from lung cancer. It was 4 months ago today. He smoked for as long as I can remember and worked in a warehouse for 20+ years where he breathed in a lot of things a person probably ought not be breathing on a daily basis. Some could have been genetics, some could have been the toxins produced by tobacco. It doesn't matter now, he is gone. November 4th is Shine a Light on Lung Cancer day. Vigils are held across the country in memory of those who have lost their battles with, or are fighting lung cancer. There were no vigils in Indiana, but I still wanted to spend some time in prayer and in remembering my father. I lit a candle for him, and 4 others for each of his children. (2 not pictured, I can add)

I feel like this disease, especially out of all the cancers, has a negative reputation. I am guilty myself. I am angry that he smoked all those years and was one of the statistics in the anti-tobacco ads. I hate that he did this to himself. That being said, did you know that over 60% of new lung cancers are diagnosed in people who never smoked or who managed to quit smoking even decades ago. 17.9% of those, have never smoked at all.

I think instead of being angry that our loved ones "do this to themselves" we should be using the knowledge about the amount of people who get this disease and the severity of the disease to prevent our future generations from having lung cancer as the Number 1 cause of cancer deaths each year.

We should be doing more to raise awareness about lung cancer. The side of the cigarette packet is not enough. The government trying to create bans, and laws, and whatever else taking away "rights" just pisses people off (me included.) I think people should be REALLY educated about lung cancer.

Instead of saying, "You shouldn't smoke, it causes lung cancer." Tell your loved one, "You shouldn't smoke. It causes lung cancer. This year 163,000 people will die from this disease. About 52.8% of the people diagnosed this year will have distant stage cancers, meaning the cancer has already metastasized to other parts of the body, usually the brain. The average length of survival after this diagnosis is 3 months. Lung cancer only has a 15% 5-year survival rate, up from 13% in 1970. Only 2% improvement in 40 years. This disease will kill you." Many people have a "this won't happen to me" mentality. I am sure that's what those 17% non-smokers and 163,000 annual deaths thought too. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to speak out about the number one cancer killer in the United States.

Statistics and information taken from the LCA

Wordless Wednesday - Alice and the baby

2010-11-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

"Mama, I want to say goodnight to the baby!"(11weeks 5days)

Note to self - knit sweaters in cotton, even if you hate it.

2010-11-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

I tried to get Sophia to wear the sweater I made to her playdate Saturday afternoon. She hates it! "It's too itchy mom!" Oops!Well, at least stand over there and let me snap a few pictures before you take it off, so I can show off my hard work before throwing it to the back of the closet. Maybe Alice will appreciate it next year. She's tough. She can handle wool.
(attempting to give herself "bunny ears")

Here Comes Santa Claus Blog Party!!

2010-11-01T01:35:00.002-04:00

I love blog giveaways! Even better, I love WINNING blog giveaways. With the holidays coming up, now is the perfect time to get in on the action!

Beginning November 15th, head on over to two great blogs and enter to win!

Go! Graham Go! and Jolly Mom are teaming up to bring another fantastic 'Here Comes Santa Claus' blog party with toys, clothing, books and plenty more!

Good Luck, but don't blame me if you become addicted!

Look! It's growing!

2010-10-31T00:30:00.000-04:00

First belly picture! Everyone say, "awwwwww"

Now stop, cause this is just ridiculous! I am 11 weeks 5 days. I feel like a cow, and am slowly beginning to look like one too. This baby better be a boy.

Statistically speaking, this kid is like 2" long CRL.

So, um, why the hell am I so big!!

*sigh*

5th pregnancy.

Hallowe'en Weekend!

2010-10-30T22:47:00.004-04:00

Our Pumpkins. Sophia's is the peace sign, Simeon's is the turtle and I made the scary monster - from a pattern.

Simeon carving with Mamaw and cousin, Libby
Sophia carving her peace sign pumpkin.

Today we went to the Irvington Halloween Festival. Every year it is windy, but the kids always have fun! This is Luci's first year, as we stayed home last year. She's always mystified in crowds, like she can't understand so many people wanting to share space so closely. She was so good the whole time, never made a sound - except once to get a sucker.
We stopped at a kids music time and played instrments along with many different types of music.Sophia was very interested in the smaller instruments, trying to figure out how they worked. (See the guy in red, with the cute little dragon? She was Alice too! Awesome!)

Alice wandered a little, playing with as much as she possibly could. I think she liked the drums the best.

Simeon waiting to jump in the bounce house.
We can't wait for tomorrow night. Trick or Treating!

(translation: Candy for mom and dad to steal when the kids aren't looking!)

2010-10-19T21:45:00.004-04:00

On our walk home from Kindergarten this afternoon:

Simeon: Today, at calendar, it's Mrs. Aldrich's birthday tomorrow. It is ONE day until Mrs. Aldrich's birthday.

Me: Well maybe we should make her a card and buy her a candy bar.

Simeon: Mama, candy bars aren't healthy for you. Maybe we should get her something else. Maybe we should get her a pretty dress. She would like a very pretty dress that she could wear.

My son, the charmer.

Later in the walk he asked if I had another baby in my tummy. I told him yes and he asked if it was a baby brother. I told him we didn't know yet. He said in an exasperated tone, I hope it's 2 baby brothers, because I already have 3 sisters and I don't need more.

He's right.

Look at my new stuff!

2010-10-05T15:40:00.005-04:00

The very cheap Brother machine that I bought on a whim when Sophia was a little over 1 year old died a couple of days ago. It was bound to happen, but I was very sad. Most people would get their machine serviced when something like this happens, but that would just be silly for me. I paid around $80 for this machine 6 years ago. Getting it serviced would have cost about $100 or more and buying the same exact machine brand new would have cost about $75. It was time for an upgrade anyway right? I mean I am pretty awesome at this sewing thing. I deserve a better workhorse right? Well, I don't know if it will be better, but this is what I ended up with. A computerized Brother with more stitches than I will know what to do with, I am sure. So begins the adventure of learning a new machine.

Now what am I going to work on with this fancy new machine? Well this box from fabric.com came in the mail not too long ago.
It has 7 yards of microsuede, 11 yards rib knit, and 10 yards elastic in it. It's all the stuff I bought to make a new stash of cloth diapers. Well, it won't make a whole new stash, but it will get me started. This is what I was working on when my machine bit the dust.

Lastly, my order from the SewShoppe. Touch tape for the dipes and the New Conceptions Baby Essentials Pattern. I am so excited to get started on this sewing and hope it will cure my stress level as I am completely overwhelmed with school and work.Are you sensing a theme with my purchases? Yeah, yeah we're having another baby - and before you ask, YES! I do know what causes this! I am aware of how not to make it happen. Don't say dumb stuff to me. I am not an idiot, and I am now very happy with our news. When I start asking you to pay for their private school tuition or our gas bill so we have heat, then it can be your problem. For now, let me enjoy my family and keep your rude comments about its size at least behind my back. I am due middle of May and praying for a baby boy, although it doesn't much matter now as it has all its cells and whatnot. I am also praying that s/he comes after graduation. It could go either way for me, but luckily I am only taking one class with externs next semester, so I am sure it will be fine.

Random Pictures of Lately

2010-10-04T23:01:00.005-04:00

Sophia's Birthday Beach Cupcake
Her 2nd lost tooth - held proudly in a baggie that the Tooth Fairy can more easily find under a little girls pillow :)

A visit to cousin John on her birthday. He had an infection in his leg and had surgery that morning. We took him a beach cupcake and goodie bag since he had to miss the party. I think his pain meds were treating him well.
A visit to Daddy was also warranted on this fine birthday Saturday. After laughing at how terrible Jake looked in the previous pictures, they all decided to do one with "sick faces" Sophie's favorite thing at school is Art. I would swear to you it's music, but she will swear she hates music. I think it's because 1st grade music class is nothing like a Hannah Montana show, but maybe I am wrong. ANYWAY She has been holding regular art class sessions with Simeon and Alice at home. It's actually pretty cute. They turned my diaper patterns into seals the other day -Should have gotten a picture of THAT!
My baby boy is 5!!! What the heck, dude!

He kept insisting that he wanted a Batman Beach Party with talking beach balls. We finally talked him down off the ledge, but I felt bad that he wanted a Batman cake and I wasn't about to buy one, or make one for that matter. We looked high and low for anything Batman at Walmart. Apparently, unless you have a current movie, you are not cool enough to be a toy, no matter how awesome you are, or were. We finally found a trick-or-treat bag with Batman on it for $1. We bought his ice cream cake and I traced the lid around the bag. Cutting carefully, I covered the big ugly edible paper "Happy Birthday" with plastic Batman. I couldn't believe how well it worked and Sim was pretty excited when he saw the cake he had picked out had somehow magically become a Batman cake. I also feel I should add I have no idea where the random Batman kick came from. He has never seen any of the movies, I would never let him watch them at his age. He's never watched anything Batman. He randomly likes super hero/comic book guys that he hears other boys at school talk about. He has never talked about Batman before this and hasn't talked about him since the birthday cake. It's very odd... BUT this is Simeon we are talking about so...

Blowing out the candles,

and again with papaw (who Simeon shares his B-day with)

Happy 5th Birthday Simeon!!

2010-09-22T22:41:00.002-04:00

Five years ago tonight I had an amazing baby boy. It was my first homebirth, and though much heat, he came into the world unassisted. It was a good thing we were ready, because it was happening that way anyway. My water broke at 7:41pm and he was born at 8:41pm. He weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces and was 21" long. Perfect in every way and as cute as could be.

2 months old

4 months

6 months

1 year (almost), with Noah

2 years (almost)

3 1/2 years

2010-09-22T22:09:00.004-04:00

Last published post July 28th. Oops!

Have you been hanging on the edge of your seat waiting for the day I would come back and fill your hearts with joy and laughter and the words of glorious, magical, nonsense?

Well, here I am. I am not sure if I am doing any of the above, but it has been(cue the sarcasm) an exciting last 2 months.

It is 10pm on a Wednesday evening and I am more tired than I thought I could ever be. My brain is fried and my social function is slimming each day. School has started well and I am doing fine, but I am so sick of it. I just want to be done. Now I know what you're thinking. I have to go to work when I am done. Yeah, yeah. I know I'll hate that too, but that's expected. Duh! Besides - I bet I don't hate it worse than now. Also, I know something you don't know, neener, neener, neener!

Jacob spent the entire week last week in the hospital. Go back to the beginning posts of this blog to familiarlize yourself with ITP. Read the part where he has no spleen. Up to speed? Good. So yeah, he gets sick all the time, no big deal, whatever. Immunosupressed, keep some hand sanitizer by the door in the winter, go on with life. Apparently psycho viruses can attack people when it's still warm out in September! Shocked and appalled I was at this virus who did not wait for snow. Jake ran a high fever aroung 103 for a week solid. He had all the classic flu-like stuff, chills, sweating, aches, fatigue, and elevated liver enzymes and a white count that got to 28 upon discharge from Clarian North. For all you folk not in everlasting school like me, normal is 4-11, so yeah, a little high. They ran just about every test that the hospital possibly could have gotten away with running on a human and then sent him home with another mysterious diagnoisis of "here is what happened, but we don't know why." Good thing you all went to medical school and are paying back those loans! We should have called House.

He's home and returned to work, but he still feels like garbage mostly. Lucky for the world he isn't whiny like me, and you can't really tell he was ever sick. So manly, that one. He has had a reunion with his hematology oncologist and though I really like her, I hoped never to become a regular visitor again. He had a CBC on Monday and his white count was 24, so coming down, and his platelets were HIGH?!? Did you read the other posts? Really? Ok. High platelets. He has been good since the splenectomy, but like 150,001 good, not 600,000 good. I am not sure that is good. Seems bad to me, but I didn't go to medical school, so I clearly don't know. Jake's body is a real mystery to me and I am not sure I even want to venture into what wierd thing he is going to come up with next. Only time and tests will tell, if there is, indeed, anything to tell. Most likely he had a virus. Those pesky little boogers really like to shake things up in his system.

How much do you think the bills will be? Last time he was there in 07, it was around $27,000. I can't wait to tally them. It's only fun because we won't have to pay. Gotta love good insurance and a met out-of-pocket for the year. Ahh, life. You're so lovely, yet so challenging. I might find my sanity. I think I put it over there...

Wordless Wednesday - Dad

2010-07-28T00:01:00.000-04:00

Dad and Jacob, Christmas 2002

Dad and me, August 10, 2002

Matt Redman - You Never Let Go

2010-07-27T22:39:00.001-04:00

This is a video with lyrics to the song I wrote about in my last post. Give it a listen, but mostly read the lyrics. It's a great song, and a great reminder of how awesome and in control our wonderful God is.

(I took this from youtube, I don't know the rules behind that, but hopefully the person who created this video 'solidrok' doesn't mind me sharing)

struggling not to cry, but wishing I was

2010-07-27T21:57:00.004-04:00

Okay, I pulled up blogger yesterday, sat down to post and went blank. I have really not had much to say in the way of not-bringing-everyone-down-sad-poor-me kind of posts. I am struggling. Those people who look great on the outside, laughing and smiling at the party, and then go home and cry. *raises hand* Hi, I'm Kendra. Glad to meet you.

I cried today on the way home from the grocery store and it wasn't because my favorite low-calorie snack wasn't on sale. I feel like I am in a hole and I climb to the top, but get pushed back down 3 feet further. I miss my dad. It's like he was gone, but he was always attainable. Now he's just gone. I think of his smile and his corny laugh and how I will never hear or see them again. No matter how you feel about a person or what your relationship is, when they leave this earth, they are simply gone. My heart sinks and my body aches at the thought of him lying there scared out of his mind, knowing... waiting to die. There is no greater word needed to describe my heart than sad. I haven't allowed myself to just be sad and it's starting to hurt from the inside. I don't want to move. I don't want to do anything. I force myself to live the smallest amount possible. I am good at pretending, but the pain on the inside has never been so hard to hide before. This is real. It is true. A loss like no other ever experienced. I don't know what to do except be sad and I want everyone to go away and let me be that way. Unfortunately, the world goes on around you no matter how you feel. Can't they all see how much I hurt? How dare they be happy and joyful. How dare they have a great day and smile about it. Don't they know how sad this is?

Burdens are funny, though. Funny in that, we don't carry them alone. I cried today because I was listening to a song on the radio that is one of Sophia's favorites - Matt Redman's 'You Never Let Go.' A beautiful song and just the reminder I needed at this moment. Even when I'm faced with the storms of this life, I won't turn back, I know You are near.

Back to school... almost

2010-07-19T00:00:00.003-04:00

What is it about school supplies? I mean, is there anyone out there who doesn't like them? I cannot believe it is time for that back to school shopping already. The Oaks put their school supply list up and I had my first look a couple of days ago. I am a little disappointed that I filled up on so many extras last year and the list is about a third filled already. I enjoyed looking through the Sunday ads today. I don't usually, unless I am particularly bored after lunch, but today it was exciting to look through and see where I was going to get the cheapest Elmer's glue. Am I right? Who's with me? I know you're out there. Don't lie.

The other end of back to school shopping I am not a huge fan of. Clothes and shoes. Our public schools recently went to school uniforms, so that actually made it easier to purchase things reasonably priced at places like Target and Wal-Mart who didn't usually carry things like that before. The problem is, even reasonably priced adds up. Sophia won't need too many items this year, because she still fits most of her things from last year. She needs a new plaid jumper though, the one she has simply won't do. The private school where she goes has a special plaid that they wear for their dress uniform. They wear it every Wednesday, which is also the day they have school-wide chapel. They are quite possibly the cutest little things when you pull up on Wednesdays and everyone is in their plaid and green cardigans. Even the older kids look cute. The problem is, the oh-so-cute plaid is oh-so-damn expensive. I am sure we can do with one jumper like we did last year, it's only once a week she has to wear it, but she needs a new one. She's going to need two new pair of shoes, one dress and one tennis. She's going to need a few tops, but if she would just stop growing like a little weed I wouldn't have to buy her anything. I bought a pattern for a pleated skirt, and tried it out on this purple corduroy. I think it turned out well and I am going to make as many as I can during my two week break with the khaki fabric I have left from last year. Butterick patterns are on sale at Joann's this week for 0.99 and there's one for a drop shift waist jumper. I think I will make a couple of those too, but I may need to pick up a little more material. Either way, it ends up being way cheaper than the $15 a skirt or whatever it is at the "reasonable" price.

I can remember school shopping and being so excited to pick out which one of my new outfits I was going to wear to school on the first day. That fun has been taken away with uniforms, but I hope that Sophia still has fun picking out shoes and the like. She already got to pick out a new backpack when they were on sale at Old Navy a couple of weeks ago. She's excited for 1st grade, but a little nervous. Her response is usually, "I don't want to do homework." Ha! Good Luck with that kid.

This too shall pass... I guess.

2010-07-16T14:09:00.003-04:00

It has been a week since my dad's memorial service, almost 2 since he died. In some ways it feels like we were just there yesterday, and in some ways it feels like it has been months. I still haven't been able to sleep. That has been especially fun the last three days that I have had to go to work. I have switched from hidden crying to random tears. I think I am doing well at getting through the day, but it is taking all the strength I have to make it smiling. I am pretty sure that if I didn't have my kids I would have fallen apart by now. They need me though, and I can't lay around and pretend like life isn't happening around me. It's not for lack of trying though, trust me.

I know that each day will pass and I suppose it gets easier, but right now it still sucks and I hate that I have to wake up each day and live life and pretend like I am not still sad, and not still pissed off, and not still in pain over the last few weeks.

Arrangements for Dad

2010-07-08T20:00:00.003-04:00

The arrangements for my father were made on Tuesday, but his wife decided to change them today for whatever reason. As it stands now, there will still be a service in Anderson on Monday, but we are not sure as to whether he will be buried, like he wanted, or cremated, like his wife now wants. The calling is from 12-1pm and the funeral at 1pm at Roselle Johnson Funeral Home in Anderson, IN.

My grandmother and family have arranged a memorial service for him tomorrow night at Abundant Love Church of God at 6pm. That way his friends and family here in Indianapolis can actually gather to remember him. I think that's what should have been done in the first place, but apparently when you're married to someone for 10 months you know everything that makes sense when they die.

This is pretty much the worst thing I have ever gone through. Tomorrow night I will fall apart, but Monday will be the worst. I know I can make it through it, but right now it seems impossible.

Cancer sucks.

2010-07-06T02:04:00.002-04:00

My father died at around 6pm this evening, July 5, 2010. He had stage 4 lung cancer. I can type all that, but I can't feel it yet. When do I start to feel it?

I am numb. He is gone. This sucks.

the time is nearing...

2010-07-03T00:18:00.000-04:00

Doing things because you feel like "you should" or because people "expect you to" is a way more difficult feeling than I had imagined. The time has come when I am given no more chances. I go see him now, or I don't ever again. Of course, we're packing the van and making the hour drive. I should have done it sooner. At least to where he'd have known I was there. To say a proper good-bye. I didn't want to. Every part of my body said "you'll regret it," but every ounce of my head didn't want to.

He has a massive tumor on his ankle, one on his chest, one on the thigh, and 4 spots on the brain. I am glad he won't suffer much longer, no one deserves to, but I am still too pissed off to find sympathy. I passed all the other stages of grief and held on to anger. That's right - I am a horrible person. Don't worry, I don't give a fuck what you think.

Being sick and dying doesn't make me automatically healed. You fucked over life and smoked how many cigarettes and joints a day? NEWS FLASH: Smoking causes lung cancer! AND giving up and walking out on your own family and finding a new one causes bitter, broken daughters.

What happened to commitment?

2010-07-02T13:42:00.004-04:00

I recently have been thinking of a scene from one of my favorite movies, Juno. Juno has this fantasy that Mark and Vanessa are perfect and when they split up she is crushed. She questions love and talks with her father about whether people can be happy together.

I have thought of it because I have wondered the same thing recently. Every once in a while I am surprised by another dissolved marriage or heartbreaking family split. Sometimes it isn't so surprising and other times I have almost felt that feeling Juno is trying to portray. Couples that have been married for many years, raised families together, and then suddenly are at a point that is not worth working for? I guess I just don't understand it. I, obviously, have never been there and I will be damned if I ever am. The biggest example of this was my own parents. While I never thought they were perfect, I never quite understood how you could be with someone for 20+ years, have 3 children, and be so happy that you literally walk away from it all. I get pretty unhappy with the frustrations of life at times, but I can never even imagine being that unhappy, or stupid.

I heard of another marriage dissolving yesterday. A young couple, no children, and as she said, clean break. The reasoning seemed lousy and predictable, but also things that should be worked upon, not simply given up on. The word commitment has little value to the world today, especially in the younger population. In front of God and everybody, make a commitment to each other for life, and then walk away because you fight when one of you won't take out the trash. I know there's more to it than that, but nothing that a little communication and self-less-ness couldn't correct in time.

When you really love someone, then you love them when they won't take out the trash though you've asked. You talk to them, you fight through anything, no matter how big or how small. You fight for the commitment you've made to each other and you find the things that made you fall in love in the first place. There are a very few things on the list that would cause me to desire a divorce. Both things I could truly and honestly never envision happening. Jacob would not cheat on me, and he would never hit me (or anyone for that matter.) If either of these things happened I would literally die of a heart attack and shock right on the spot. It just would never happen, I don't care what anyone has to say about it. Short of those two things, there is not anything I will not fight through. I am just as happy, if not more so, in my marriage today that I was 8 years ago as we planned the ceremony. We have been through A LOT in 8 years and we have never once stopped being a team. Maybe that's why I don't understand. I have a husband who is just as committed to me, as I am to him, and he genuinely loves me. What a great feeling to have.

Wordless Wednesday - Sleeping Beauty

2010-06-30T00:01:00.001-04:00

Not in the business of entertaining....

2010-06-29T22:32:00.007-04:00

I am not a people person. Anyone who thought I was, well, you were wrong. I have been able to be in my house for about 4.5 days straight now and I have loved every second of it. I sound like a hermit. I'm not, I promise. I did go outside during those 4.5 days. I went grocery shopping, went to Weight Watchers, ran to Walgreens a couple of times. I went to the backyard and played with the kids. I am not, like, afraid of outdoors. I just really enjoy being able to stay in my house and not have to entertain the thoughts or conversations of other people every once in a while. Sometimes. Ok who am I kidding, most of the time.

When I spend too much time with people, they really start to get on my damn nerves. The only person this has never been true for is my husband. Now is that true love or what? I do not have many close friends, and I fear this is the reason. I have thought many times I would break from this shell, grab lots of friends and party hard, er something, like girls my age do. Then I realize I am way over it, would rather cuddle up with my kids and watch The Incredibles for the 406th time. I care about other people. I will help someone in need the best I can, I will be the best friend I could ever be to someone who needed one, but sometimes I just want to be left the hell alone. I am in that zone now. Please come back later.

Teenage me explains a lot

2010-06-27T10:57:00.006-04:00

Reading a fellow blogger's recent post about her teenage daughter got me thinking a lot about my upbringing. Got me thinking alot about what the hell I am going to do with 3 teenage daughters myself one day. I look around and I see some of the greatest people I could ever know. I know they weren't perfect kids, and aren't perfect now, but what really affects the way people "turn out?"

By society's standards, I should be a single mother, working at a fast food chain and/or retail establishment, on welfare, living with someone else because I can't make it on my own. I would not know Christ for I would never have been introduced to Him. I would not have many friends that amounted to anything, I never did. My social anxiety would take care of that anyway. I would still smoke, drink, and probably be high as I typed. - Instead, I somehow made it out alive. Out from under the vicious cycle of being exactly like your parents. So did they raise me well? Probably in the years that matter cognitively they did. In the years where you learn to be responsible, not so much.

I got high for the first time when I was 14 years old. 14 YEARS OLD! I had also already had sex, been drunk, and was smoking a pack a day. At 14! When no one is parenting you, well, you do what you want. What you think is cool, or at least what your friends think is cool. I began running the streets and liking boys when I was 12. To even say that out loud basically makes me nauseous. At 14 I had my first real boyfriend. Finally, someone who wanted me. Someone who took care of me, and loved me. I still don't doubt those feelings. Maybe not true love in the sense that I know it now, but feelings of acceptance and a bond of friendship that was despretely needed by me at the time. Of course you don't live happily ever after with your boyfriend at 14. You break up and humiliate yourself for the next 2 years looking like a complete and utter psycho. Well, maybe that's not what you would do, but it's what I did. I didn't know how to handle my emotions, I had never really had to before. A feeling of betrayal and a feeling like no one was ever going to want me. We had been through so much together and I was left by the waste paper basket in 3rd period. A lot of this, combined with deaths in the family and a general feeling of being unwanted led to a bout with depression and anxiety that still creeps it's ugly little head up today. I am sure I am predisposed to this "condition." If it wasn't the tragic heartbreak of high school romance that set it off, I am sure it would have been something else.

I matured a lot in high school. I had to, I was going at it alone. I spent a whole year trying to be sure no one would talk to me, and as Jake would say, I "painted little things by my eyes." I guess that's his translation of being gothic. I started seeing a therapist through school and kept a journal, writing every single day. I found something to love, that would never leave me - music. I drowned myself that year in activities like JROTC, wrestling, and the all-school musical. I found friends that were more true than anything I had ever experienced. I found mentors (Mrs. G, Mrs. Dollinger, Mrs. Brown, and Ms. H, and Maj. Minner and 1SGT Ridenour) that took care of me, and always loved me unconditionally. There is so much about my teenage years that I feel like just happened yesterday and so much that I would never trade for anything, no matter what. By senior year I was proud of what I had accomplished. I had a lead in the musical that year, I had a best friend to die for, and other friends that I can't even still imagine life without, I gave up my ban on boys and began dating a pretty ok guy, I wasn't popular, but I was truely loved. All of the things that are important to you at 17, I had them. Had I continued to do stupid things? Of course. Was life at home perfect? Nope. Did I always feel like things could fall apart at any given moment? You Bet. Confidence is not my strong suit. But I made it through alive. Without the help of anyone who was legally responsible for me. How sad. I know my personal experiences will help me raise my kids. I hope in a way that isn't overbearing and suffocating, but in a way that they won't have to seek their only guidance in other people.

Stay tuned for more to come on why I am so screwed up and how dating that pretty ok guy turned out to be pretty awesome.

fine tuning the ol' blog machine

2010-06-26T02:59:00.002-04:00

I have added some ads to the sidebar of the blog. I do not know how annoying they will be, nor do I have any idea what they will say. This is an attempt to "make some cash" by collecting ad revenue. I hope to decide soon what I want out of my blog and start collecting more readers. I have a lot on my mind and a lot I want say. I hope there are a few people out there who might enjoying reading it. If not, that's okay too. If you ever see anything you just might enjoy being redirected to, feel free to click away. I won't be sad if you leave, and I know you can find your way back if you want to.

I get nervous at the thought of who might be reading. I never want to offend people, and I never want to send them into a state of shock and awe either. I am kinda over writing in a style that is equivalent to walking on eggshells. If you think my language or views or sad attempts at humor are going to not be a pleasant thing, well you can type something else into that address bar up top, no one is stopping you. There's also a red X in the top right corner, feel free at any time. I don't care anymore, and what I have to say is just me, take it or leave it.

life at the moment

2010-06-19T19:37:00.003-04:00

A few weeks down, and a few more to go. School seems like it is happening around me. My medical-computer-whatever class is a hybrid, so I have only had to actually go 2 of the 4 weeks. Pharmacology is really interesting, but incredibly fast paced during the summer. It doesn't seem nearly as hard as everyone makes it out to be, and I wonder if I should have taken it in the fall at the full 16 weeks. Maybe I am just missing how hard it is. Maybe I am just too brilliant and don't notice that it's supposed to be hard. At any rate I'll be done with these two in 6 weeks and that much closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

At the moment I am trying hard to understand life. The turns and trials. The leaps and bounds and never ending paths of unknowingness. I'm not sure that's a word, but right now, I am not really sure of anything. True heartbreak is a hard emotion to deal with. Especially when you don't deal with things well in the first place. --Typing and erasing, typing and erasing. That's how much of this blog is going. I don't want to share, but in a few days I will be whole again, with a tiny piece of understanding for others in the world. Able to be sympathetic in ways I could only show empathy for before. Able to understand that even though I don't understand, that's okay. He has a plan and this wasn't in it. The sun will still rise tomorrow and the next day too. I will rise knowing something I didn't before, and that's not always a bad thing.

Wordless Wednesday - Luci's big blue eyes

2010-06-01T22:19:00.002-04:00

My Baby is getting so big!

Just another day...

2010-05-30T21:07:00.003-04:00

A dull moment in my life gives me just enough time to spend it here with you fine folk. A pretty bland weekend thus far and not a bit disappointed.

Lisa took Simeon and Sophia camping yesterday. Simeon returned via Aunt Amanda this afternoon, but someone will undoubtedly have to pry Sophia from the camp grounds when it's time to pack up. Jacob informs me that someday will we have to start camping with everyone on this weekend. We must eventually do things the kids enjoy he says. I say, What kids? I like my bed even in it's incredibly small, at-least-one-child-in-it-with-us-by-morning, state of being. I don't like bugs. period. I like toilets and I like toilet paper even more. I am also not a big fan of everything around me being filthy. --Remind me of all of these things when Alice wants to go camping for her 5th birthday and I have no choice but to agree.

Summer classes started this past week and as I near the end of this endless path I have been reminded twice this week of how I should be in nursing school. I know that. I just need to be done for a minute, breathe, and raise my children. Becoming a CMA will give me the schedule I need, and the ability to get a job someplace where I am not wiping butts all day. I can be happy with that for a couple of years. I can take the test for nursing school right now. I have taken enough classes to be in the program and my grades are damn good enough. Somedays I think I should just walk into the testing center and take it. Other days I feel like a doctor's office with Clarian is around the corner calling my name and they will pay my way through nursing school. I need to just get there. Though, as I look toward the 85,000 drug cards I will be doing for Pharmacology these next 9 weeks, I kinda want to run away at a quick pace.

The kids are all doing great. Sophia's last day of school is Wednesday. My baby will be a first grader in the fall and Simeon will be in Kindergarten. They are soaking up the sun -finally- and enjoying being kids. All three olders have well child checks next week, Simeon will get K shots, including the varicella we've delayed. Anyone out there have it and want to pass it along? Please?! Lucilla has orders for another CBC, to recheck her anemia. She has an appointment with the allergist in July and Simeon sees his metabolism doctor in July too. If you had any doubts about whether we've hit our out-of-pocket (which is $4500) for the 3rd year in a row - we are about $400 shy. Don't worry, we'll get there.

Happy Birthday Alice!

2010-05-24T00:01:00.001-04:00

May 24, 2007

I woke up at 6:30 in the morning with contractions.
Alice was born at home, in water a little after 10 that morning.

My midwife was already with another mother, so she called in back-up for me. Andrea was great!

7 lbs 12 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long

She didn't have a name until I was 38 weeks. Jake wanted to name her Cleo, after his great-aunt. I wanted to name her somthing with an 'S' like her siblings. We settled (I won) on Alice after I had heard the name on TV one night. I picked Joelle to follow suit with a 'J' middle name. Then she was born on Great-Aunt Cleo's birthday. Of course we had to give her the name after that. I couldn't give up the 'J' middle name though, so she became Alice Joelle Cleo! A lot of name for a little girl to handle, but I assure you she does just fine.

1st Christmas

Happy Birthday Alice Joelle Cleo!

Take Me Back Tuesday

2010-05-18T00:01:00.001-04:00

Alice only a few minutes after being born. So peaceful, so sweet.

I can't believe my little bug will be 3 next Monday.

Finished Pinwheel Sweater

2010-05-16T00:01:00.000-04:00

From this...To this...

Semester Grades

2010-05-14T16:26:00.004-04:00

Decided to check on my final grades today. They were all in and they looked a little something like this...

CRN	Subject	Course	Section	Title	Campus	Final Grade
37198	ECED	105	1AH	CDA Process	Indianapolis	A
42018	MEAS	107	A0H	Administrative I	Indianapolis-Lawrence	A
43104	MEAS	108	A0H	Administrative II	Indianapolis-Lawrence	A
43109	MEAS	137	A0H	Medical Ins. & Coding	Indianapolis-Lawrence	A
43171	MEAS	212	A0H	Phlebotomy	Indianapolis-Lawrence	A

Take Me Back Tuesday

2010-05-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

Alice on her 1st Birthday with her friend Melissa...

...and wearing the dress Jeni made for her and playing with the piano from Melissa. She still loves this piano and just the other day sat at it, pretending to play and making up songs (one of her 1st post surgery normal behaviors.)

Take Me Back Tuesday

2010-05-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

In honor of Alice, a whole May of Taking you back - one year at a time. This was taken last year in Gatlinburgh on her 2nd Birthday. It rained, and she and her siblings and cousins had a blast playing in it.

Adenotonsillectomy - Day Ten

2010-05-02T13:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, so here's the real scoop. It wasn't as bad as all the horrible things I read. I know, that probably comes as a shock. I read something on the internet and freaked myself out. As if I ever would do that.

The other side, it was definitely no pinic in the park. She has only been back to sleeping normally for maybe two nights, three if you count the silence I hear right now. The best part, by the way - she no longer snores. (Maybe Jake should have his adenoids and tonsils out?) You can tell she is sleeping better, hardly any movement and so quiet. I had read that some mothers found themselves making sure their child was still breathing because they were so quiet. Guilty as charged. It's an amazing difference and totally worth the cranktastic behavior and sleepless nights.

While I have your attention I might as well mention Luci Lu. I took her back to the doctor because of her weird leg thing. She had another slight episode of purple leg/feet and I am tired of wondering why. They had an opening at 1 on Friday and I know how to drive quickly down Meridian. It's basically an art I've mastered. Along with her being anemic, she was also tachycardic. (That means her heart was beating too fast.) It could be nothing, but Dr. Strate ordered the ECHO just to rule out anything with her heart. I don't know what I am hoping for at this point. It's not as if I want to add cardiologist to the list of pediatric specialist doctors we've seen in the last 6 years. However, if I walk away empty handed, and her feet still turn purple regularly... well I don't want an endless cat and mouse game only to find out she has a deficiency in some random protein and it will go away when she turns 4. I don't even know if that's possible. Stranger things have happened, says Simeon's amino acids who will possibly function normally in two years.

Anyway, her appointment is at 10 am and I will update likely on Facebook and here, especially if there is something to update. Otherwise, look for the blueish-purple feet girl and her mom. She'll be the one pulling out her hair.

Adenotonsillectomy - Day Four

2010-04-26T22:19:00.003-04:00

Though I am positive this could be going a lot worse, I am ready for it all to be a distant memory. We had our first "one step forward, two steps back" moments last night. She had done so well up through yesterday I had began to think we were going to be one of the few who make it through with no signs that surgery had taken place. After she woke Sunday morning she was so sad to learn she wouldn't be going to church with the other kids. I didn't want her catching snotty germs from her friends while her system was still so shocked. We layed in bed and watched a movie instead. She only had regular tylenol. I thought I'd give it a shot and it seemed to work just fine. Four hours later, regular tylenol again. How can this be on only day three? At bedtime I gave her the tylenol again and she went to sleep just fine by her standards. Little did I know what a huge mistake that would turn out to be.

She woke at 12:30 and was hysterical. She was in so much pain she was kicking her legs and just crying out. I felt so bad. Jake got her calmed down, but it was too early for any more medicine. She fell back to sleep and I moved her to my floor next to my bed. She woke again an hour later - same scenario. It was awful and still to early for any medicine. I knew it was only the tylenol part she'd be getting too much of, but I just didn't want to chance it with the hard core stuff mixed into the equation. We got her back to sleep, but I held her next to me, hoping this might help her sleep a little better. She woke again at 3:30. Thank God she can have some medicine! One problem - she HATES this medicine. She was crying and kicking and screaming and then I come at her with a syringe full of stuff that makes her cry and kick and scream. I held her down and squirted it into her mouth. She calmed down fairly quickly after and fell asleep before the medicine even kicked in I am sure. At least it lasted and she slept until 9am.

As a glutton for punishment and with a desire to not have a toddler addicted to codeine, I only gave her tylenol this morning to see what would happen. She did fine throughout the day. She only complained a couple of times, but she was major grouchy today. Jake came home at noon so I could go to school. Lucy had cried most of the morning too and I couldn't wait to go and take that final. When I got back she would only pay attention to me. She was grumpy and wouldn't let me put her down so I could cook dinner. I let her sit on the kitchen counter while I cut the chicken and made the quesadillas. She wouldn't eat much today either, but is drinking okay still. After I gave her the bedtime codeine and we put on The Squeakquel she perked up a bit. Maybe I should have been giving it to her through the day? I have read that day 5-6 is the worst. I am preparing to hate tomorrow and I guess we'll see how it really goes. I noticed today that they gave me two refills on the codeine, so maybe I will just stuff her full of it for the next 10 days and life will be grand.

Adenotonsillectomy - Day One

2010-04-23T23:03:00.003-04:00

We arrived at 9:00am to check in. Alice still in jammies and secretly still a little bitter about me having won the battle of the banana. She was so cute and talkative and down right happy to be here. She weighed 30# 6oz and measured just about 34" tall. Then she got to pick out a pink bottle of bubbles. We went to room 9 and vitals were taken. Our nurse was Beth, a very sweet lady. Alice liked her very much and even shared her bubbles. We ironed out the details of why we were there with each nurse, anesthesiologist and doctor that walked into room 9. They reminded me that we had agreed that Dr. Cordes would clean out the wax from her ears and check her tubes. Better to do it while she's knocked out cold right? There were toys to play with and fancy hospital bracelets to wear. She was a pretty happy kid. They brought in her versed at about 10:00. If you have never seen a child on versed, well... put this on your list of things to do before you kick the bucket. I watched the little boy in the room across from us for a while and then had the pleasure of laughing at my own child for a while. She was so incredibly hilarious I cannot even put it into words. She could not hold her own weight and decided that would be a good time to play musical parent's laps. Jake and I took turns holding the 30 pound lump of high kite while we waited for her to go back. Her doctor was stuck at Wishard and so we waited and waited and waited. Eventually the versed was no longer funny and just annoying as she was coming around, pissed, and still couldn't walk or hold herself well.

Finally they came to get her around 11:30 and I cried about as much as she did. I will leave to your thoughts whether we cried a little or a lot. Jake and I went to get something to eat while we waited - it was supposed to last about an hour. Dr. Cordes called at 12:30 to let us know they were all done and that it went well. She told us how Alice went back and danced on her bed with her Brobee doll. Yeah, that sounds like my funny girl. She said her tonsils were actually okay in size, but her adenoids were, and I quote "huge!" Well that explains not being able to breath out of her nose and all the snoring while she slept. She also cleaned out the wax in her ears and as it turns out, she had an ear infection in her left ear. So they drained the fluid and replaced the tube on the left side. Apparently right side eardrums are made to have holes in them though, because now Alice has one to match Sophie's! I thought it was hilarious at first, but the thought of yet another childhood surgery for my baby is just so many different levels of annoying.

She was in recovery for what seemed like forever. She was actually quite pleasant when she woke up - no crazy and no tears. She was mad as she could be though. She carried the same grumpy look all the way from Lower Level outpatient recovery to Unit 2C and wore it for quite a while after too. She has slept quite a bit and is pretty pissed off at her IV.

She woke up around 10:00pm and has been a much more alert version of Alice. She is still a little grumpy, but that's somewhat normal too. She has had two cups of ice cream and a little 7-up and apple juice. She took her last round of ear drop, antibiotic, and pain meds without so much as a whimper of protest. She watched a Backyardigans DVD and is now working on a Thomas the Train movie. She is pretty happy and that makes me happy. I am glad we stayed overnight, but I will be very ready to go home in the morning. She's so alert as midnight rolls around and I can feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier. It is going to be a long night, but not nearly as long as it could be.

Alice's Adenotonsillectomy

2010-04-23T00:06:00.003-04:00

I let her stay up as late as she wanted. I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel with her for the 10,000th time. I gave her a big snack and juice box at 10:30. She got to go to Mamaw's to watch the penguins with her daddy until 11:30. Neither of us had the heart to be stern or angry with her, and she's so darn cute anyway. She's pretty much queen of the world as she lay snoring on my bedroom floor. It's called a parent's guilt. When they're getting ready to put their child through something that they would not want to put themselves through.

Though no choice is had, I just feel terrible. I have been talking to her all week about the surgery. It's just that, well, she's two and a half and how much can she really understand about the pain and sadness she will endure? She is pretty darn excited to have surgery. She will tell you that she's going to the doctor and she's "gonna take me a big nap." Today when I said, "and when you wake up you will have owies in your mouth, right?" She said, "and my throat too mommy." SO, she must understand some. She's pretty excited about the applesauce and yogurt and ice cream buffet to follow. She will say, "AND soda" because I told her I would even give her soda. She doesn't have to know that it will likely be something like diet 7-up. No sugar, no caffiene, 100% treat.

She's loudly reminding me of the why's as I type and she squirms and rolls. Who knows, after this, maybe she'll sleep with her mouth closed. Maybe she won't be so crabby all the time. No. Wait. That's not apnea, that's genetics. Never mind. I will likely update in the morning and for the days to follow. Pray that she comes out on top and the pain meds are friendly. Pray for my sanity as I prep for my finals Monday. Life. Never. Dull.

If time stood still...

2010-04-14T21:23:00.005-04:00

I look around my house and wonder when I am ever going to find the time to do any of the things I would like to do. My living room is still half painted. My bedroom door fell, literally fell, right out of the wall, hinges and all. Seriously. Laundry never ends and dishes don't either. A dishwasher was a nice invention, if people knew how to use it. I think I may be the only person on the planet with the skills to empty one. It's a special talent I have. The yard is a disaster and the garden is far from being anything except a resting ground for last years dead tomato plants. Finals are coming and I am ready to be done with school. I have to take summer classes and that stinks majorly. So ready to be done, but it's not getting any easier from here. SO many things to do and so little time to sleep. I think my body is starting to curse at me from the inside. Don't worry I will be restful and healthy some day.

Sophie and I are doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this Saturday. If you would like to sponsor either of us you can go here. She's so excited even though she has no idea what it is. I found some pink hair stuff at Goodwill last week and we're going to color her hair. It will be a lot of fun. I am hoping for no rain and weather that isn't too hot.

Alice's surgery is scheduled for April 23rd at 10:30am. Unless the plan changes she will have to spend one night in Riley. I hope everything goes smoothly and she isn't in too much pain. She is one tough little girl and I am counting on that. Plus she'll get to eat popcicles, ice cream, applesauce, yogurt and pain meds for days, so who wouldn't be happy?

Take Me Back Tuesday

2010-04-13T09:53:00.002-04:00

Today's 'Take me back Tuesday' doesn't go back very far, but special nonetheless. This Sunday a very special birthday will be on my heart. Hazel would be two now, and "terrible" I am sure. She would have curls all over her head and freckles beginning to appear on her cute little nose. I know her parents and siblings miss her terribly and I do too. I think of her often and as the time of her death and birth approach us this week I ask you to pray for her family. It's always hard, but the "anniversaries" are that much harder.

Things I've Learned this Monday.

2010-04-12T13:15:00.003-04:00

*Finding the Goodwill by your school and a three hour between class break can be a dangerous combination.

*Sophie is going to look so awesome in all the pink stuff I bought today for the race this weekend.

*When your daughter gets caught red handed with no band aid on her ringworm at school, she will try to pass the blame on to you, since you're not there after all.

*When something tragic strikes, it will consume your every thought. Sometimes, you must swallow pride with a pill.

*Planning a trip to Anderson with 4 kids is harder than you would think it should be.

*Classes are almost over and I will NOT miss them. I desperately wish I didn't have to go this summer.

*The break room/lounge on the second floor smells like old, dirty socks. It has since week one, and somehow no one seems to care...

2010-04-05T12:54:00.003-04:00

Anger. Rage. Meaness. Irrational behavior. If this were the $100,000 pyramid the correct answer would be "Things that usually lead to feeling guilty."

I am numb. I am angry. I am sad. I am numb.

A man who did not help to create me, but stepped up and helped to raise me. A man who taught me to tie my shoes, to ride my bike, to drive a car. A man who went without so that I didn't have to. A man whose life became a struggle, a battle I did not understand. An abandonment I felt, but did not understand. Reasons that do not seem to matter now. I've had him for almost 26 years, but I haven't seen him for almost 2. I think. I've lost track. I am harboring anger that I am just supposed to pretend is no longer there. The time to mend was always going to be there. It was going to happen eventually. Right? Eventually has to be now. The time is coming to an end. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. A voice I haven't heard in so long. Things so hard to hear.

A man I love is dying. There isn't much time left to spend. I'll never get it back, so how do I know if I have spent it right? Cancer. The word that sucks the energy from everyone involved. Outcomes that are undesirable. How do you live, knowing you are going to soon die? A strength I cannot understand.

I am numb.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T10:49:00.002-04:00

Baby Shrug from Simply Baby by Debbie Bliss

My crazy girls

2010-03-29T22:39:00.002-04:00

I got a nice giggle this afternoon when I came home from school. In my mail was the new patient registration form I was to bring to Sophie's 1st appointment with our new ENT doctor LAST WEDNESDAY. Alice had a new patient appointment that morning too, but we still haven't received her paperwork yet. Idiots.

I liked the new ENT, she was really nice. The audiologists there were absolutely wonderful with the girls and somehow got Alice to be nice and cooperative, which for someone in their position is nearly impossible. Sophie's hearing test was the same as her two previous ones. Mild loss in the holey ear and negative pressure in the other ear. I have never had it explained to me so well before, but I actually understand what is going on in her poor little Eustachian tubes now. They are not going to patch her holey drum because at this point her hole is helpful. The other drum gets drawn back due to the negative pressure. This causes the ears not to drain properly and irritation and redness to the drum. Also ear infections, but we haven't had that problem in a while, which means her tube is opening some, but not well. She has to get tested every six months to allow it time to improve on its own. Hopefully it will. They'll patch her hole when her other ear gets better. If it doesn't, well I guess we'll cross that bridge when...

Alice showed slightly less than normal hearing, but it's hard to get a measurable read on a child her age. Combine that with the wax and possible tubes still in her ears, well, I'm not concerned and neither was anyone else. She went in because of her sleep apnea. The ENT was not at all surprised to hear my concerns and agreed that her symptoms sounded pretty classic. She was so convinced with my personal description she is not going to make us go through any sleep studies. She is going to have surgery at Riley to remove her tonsils and adenoids. We still haven't been given a date, but it will be fairly soon. The doctor said that 95+% of the time that alone will cure the apnea. Though I am not real keen on the whole surgery, aftermath, or night in the hospital, I am confident that this will help her.

Finally, because everyone needs their fair share of doctor time- I had to call our family doctor on Saturday night because Lucy is a mystifying wondrous little creature. Since she was 2 months old she has slowly had the weirdest things wrong with her. Even though I have done my best to blow off her blue and purple toes to being something else, it simply cannot be any longer. She had an episode last week where her lower legs, feet, and toes turned bright red, swollen, and were very warm. She started to get really mottled and broken out on her torso and face. She fussed and cried in pain. I really don't think I have ever heard her cry like that. I was about as close to going to the ER as I could have been, without going. My first thought was that the Y childcare had given her something with peanuts, I didn't know what was going on with her. I called them and, of course, they hadn't given her anything, so why was she breaking out and red?

After she finally started to calm down, her legs and feet turned back to a reddish purple color. They've gone purple on and off since she was born, but everyone always told me she was young or her feet were cold and blah blah blah. I knew the most reasonable explanations and shrugged it off as such. Except now she's 14 months old and she should be able to maintain a foot temperature under her socks well enough to keep her feet a nice shade of pink. Anyway, she seemed well and I watched her all night but decided she was probably fine. Saturday her legs really started to turn purple and I finally called the doc. Crazy or not, I couldn't keep shrugging it off as nothing. She said it sounded like vasospasms. She mentioned poor circulation, which of course was my thought behind it all. I wasn't too concerned with poor circulation in a child when children tend to have poorer circulation. She then mentioned the heart and how sometimes defects can cause problems like this. We talked about it a little and basically when she goes in for her 15 month well check in a couple of weeks they are going to order an echocardiogram for her just to be sure that everything looks ok. However, crazy as we all know I am, I began Googling. This is always a bad idea. I know that. Does it stop me? Of course not. I looked at several things about congenital heart defects in young children. Don't worry I only looked at sites that seemed knowledgeable. Anything on www.wanna-freak-yourself-out-about-heart-defects.com I skipped over. I am trying to connect dots and the fact that she's had respiratory issues, abnormal CBC's, poor growth at her last check-up, poor circulation, etc-it all could draw a line to a cardiac problem. I am not purposefully trying to freak myself out, but it's hard not to read this stuff and see what I can see and not get a little worked up. So anyway the year of no doctors or surgeries is looking a little bit like the ship sailed and left us behind.

Spring at last

2010-03-27T22:15:00.003-04:00

Today was beautiful. Spring is finally here. I got a lot of cleaning done and even got to work in the yard a bit. The kids are taking advantage of the warm weather and several reminders about shoes have already been made. Plenty more to be had as they are truely my children and I will not be found in shoes often as the weather warms. I cannot believe that April and Easter are around the corner. I also realized today that Lucy just turned 14 months old this week. She is also finally really walking around. She somehow managed to take off one day just as I knew she would. I was not worried, but becoming slightly more aware of the fact that even chubby, chunky Simeon was walking by her age. She of course is into everything and attempting to climb on everything, her favorite being the stairs. Alice and Simeon broke our only baby gate, but I think a new one will be a must. Each day I look at these children and cannot believe they belong to me. They are simply amazing.

Take Me Back Tuesday - High School

2010-03-16T00:01:00.000-04:00

JROTC Raiders Ski Trip

Jacob playing Varsity Baseball 2002

Things I've Learned this Monday.

2010-03-15T23:15:00.002-04:00

**When Alice takes a late nap, she will stay up until 11:16pm and eat all of your chili cheese Frito's.

**When Simeon takes an accidental late nap, he will sleep from 5pm into the night.

**When Simeon does the aforementioned, mom has to test his sugar sometime after writing a blog and possibly wake him up. Someone then must feed and entertain him. I think I know who that lucky soul will be.

**If Alice was old enough to understand, maybe she would share some of your Frito's with Simeon. Instead she replies, "I don't know this Simeon."

** Nick Jr. is just as annoying at 11pm as it is at 11am

** Just because you want to paint a room in your house, that doesn't mean you will like the color you pick the first time.... or the second.

**Sometimes it's really good to have an up close and personal relationship with someone in the paint business.

**Speedway also sells 32oz sodas in the morning.

**If you attend college for three years, you are guaranteed to have at least three expensive text books water damaged by your children. If you're not careful it could be the one you need for this week's homework.

How our medical society has impressed me once again...

2010-03-10T14:21:00.004-05:00

Sophia had an appointment today with the ENT. She has had a small hole in her eardrum for a while now. It has given her some hearing loss, but nothing really noticeable outside of a hearing test. She has to wear ear plugs if she's going to be putting her head under water. Not a big deal.

It has to be repaired at some point. I have been gearing up for that surgery to take place this summer. She had a tube placed and adenoids out in 08' and has not had much trouble since. She got an infection around last June and so when we saw her doctor in July, he wanted her to have the whole winter with no trouble from ear infections. Fast forward to today. No ear infections all winter and so we're going to schedule the surgery to repair the eardrum, right? I am taking a morning from work and driving to 121st and Meridian to schedule a surgery and be done with this mess, right?

Yeah, not so much. Specialty doctors who charge $140 for a routine 15 minute follow-up visit and do not provide you with new information should not be allowed to practice medicine. He made me drive there to tell me I would have to make a separate, $140 routine 15 minute appointment with another doctor from the practice. He made me take a day from work, Sophie a day from school, just to tell me he doesn't do those surgeries anymore. Are you freaking serious?! What a waste.

I figure since we are switching doctors anyway, I am just going to switch facilities all together. I don't mind to drive for a good doctor. Our family doctor is up on 91st street and I won't change unless they change. However, I refuse to drive all the way up there for poor service. How hard is it to call someone and change the appointment? I mean seriously. It's all about the money, I get that, but how un-customer friendly. I'm done. I hear we have a great children's hospital, like 15 minutes away, right downtown. I bet they have some good doctors. I'll have to check them out.

Take Me Back Tuesday - Cousins

2010-03-09T10:22:00.003-05:00

Me and my cousin Nina. By the age of my sister I am guessing I am close to 2 years old. This is one of my favorite pictures of me as a child. I mean, just look at that outfit. and haircut. and couch.

Coming in a close second, another of Nina and me. We spent a lot of time together as kids. Everyone thought we were sisters. I can't imagine why though...

on me...

2010-03-03T20:33:00.004-05:00

Well, I wasn't going to write or talk about this, but here I am. I'm not sure why, except this is the only place I can spew my brains when spewing is neccessary. I found a lump in my left breast about 2 weeks ago. I just attributed it to a clogged milk duct. Lucy had weaned not too long prior and it made perfect sense to me. and my brains. I massaged and did the warm compress for over a week. It didn't change. I just knew I was going to end up with an infection, mastitis, just in time for midterms. No time to be all flu-like, so I made an appointment with my doctor for some help, info and/or antibiotics just in case. Something. Not an ultrasound on my breast. She said it is definitely not a duct and the next step is to ultrasound it and see if we can tell what it is. I don't know what the step is after that, but I am hoping to not find out. I'm hoping that an irregularly shaped marble somehow managed to find it's way in there. somehow. I go Friday at 9am to Methodist. I'm not as nervous as I feel I should be and am taking that as a positive sign. Like intuitively I know it's nothing and so I am not going to worry that it is. I don't know. So anyway, there you go ladies and gentleman. As if my girls haven't been through enough, and they were finally getting some rest from being the forever milk machine. Poor girls.

Things I've Learned this Monday.

2010-03-01T12:31:00.003-05:00

**Just becuase you have a phone interview with the DFR at 10:00am, that doesn't mean they will call. Even if you sit through class with your phone in your hand so as not to miss the silent ring.

** "Medium" is a different size at every drive thru in town. If you are not careful you might have 32oz of soda for breakfast.

** The Burger King on 10th street never has anything you want, even if it is something important that they should have 1,000 of. They do, however, have Medium coke.

**No matter how crazy my kids are, I miss them like mad when I'm gone. I long for the days of stay at home mama.

**The reason I never went to the dentist as a kid is because it's damn expensive. How do I break this cycle with my children's teeth and maintain my poverty level with dignity?

**Insurance and Coding class on Monday mornings is just not fair. If this happens to you, you should buy a medium coke on the way to class.

**No one should ever want to be an insurance coder. No one. I have learned waaaay too much about the CNS-1500 form.

**Sophia was invited to a birthday party at the Riding Academy in Noblesville. Yeah, some people at the Oak's really do pay full price. "Not I," said the Hen.

**Whoever is doing the summer/fall registration codes for Medical Assisting is an idiot. They still aren't right and I still haven't been able to register and I still can't find out how much financial aid I will have for summer.

and just think, the day is only half over, I still have so much to learn.

where oh where have you gone...

2010-02-27T23:26:00.004-05:00

It has been brought to my attention several times now that I haven’t been blogging lately. I had no idea that I was keeping so many people on edge without the ridiculous ramblings of my daily life to look forward to as they sat down to their computers each morning. I have now had visions of people running into the office, cup of coffee in their hands, not bothering to hang up their coats, keys thrown on the desk. They sit down, click on their bookmarks and come here. Only to find that I have had nothing to say. With disappointment they sip their coffee and begin their dreadful workday with not a trace of happiness to be found.

I will let you in on a little known secret. I have written not one, but two blog entries since my last seen posting. I chose not to publish either of them, obviously. I figured I would spare humanity the need to pity me and my bad moods. I may go as far as to even delete them from my blog list. The list I can see on my end, but you don't get to see. It lets me do all kinds of wacky stuff like delete posts and change dates too. So you have no idea if I am really posting at 11:29pm or if it's 4pm two days ago. It actually is 11:29pm, but I am just saying. Now you're going to always wonder, I just know it. I have been excruciatingly busy. Facebook really can take a toll on the free time in your life. Oh, and the part time job I have, 15 credit hours I am taking and the 5+1 kids I am raising in my spare time. Did I forget to mention the sweater I am working on for Lucy for Easter? Now THAT is a time suck.

Ok, ok in all seriousness. I love to blog. I just have not had the time to sit in one place long enough to type two sentences. I will strive to be better for those who actually are coming here expecting to find Simeon's hilarity or pictures of the cutest kids you've ever laid eyes on. I will try. My kids are still cute. Simeon is still hilarious. I want to share stories of the cutest thing Sophia has said in a long time or the fact that Alice, at two, knows all her colors, shapes, numbers and some letters. I want to share the stories about getting my first blood draw and being scared to death to have to do it 50,000 more times this semester. I'd like to talk about how I am registered for clinicals in the fall, WaHoo! Right after I finish this paper, those workbooks, studying for that test, making those sandwiches, washing those clothes, changing this diaper, running those errands, and putting away those groceries. Someones gotta do it, just happens to be me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY!

2010-01-23T00:40:00.006-05:00

As the exact minute approaches, I am trying to remember what one year ago was like. Waddling up the elevator while trying to hold it together. The pain I was feeling, the urge to get this gigantic thing out of me for. the. love. of. all. that's. holy! The love and joy that immediately surrounds you as you hold this tiny little slippery, wet, and vernix-y creature in your arms. She was breathtaking. Simply beautiful and truly a miracle.My sweet little Lucilla Juliann turns one years old today. I officially have no more "babies" in the infant sense of the word. She'll, as they say, always be my baby. She's taken her first technical step, though she's too stubborn to actually walk. She is funny, on purpose, and wants you to know it. She throws fits when you don't give her what she wants and is louder than Alice at times. Talk about scary. She is the most cuddley of all my babies, and already has that little "I'm the youngest, aren't I cute and going to get away with anything" shine to her big blue eyes. Lucilla leaves my infant days with a very satisfying pat myself on the back type of feeling. She gave me the birth I hope for any women trying to make it in an American hospital could have. I made it to one year nursing; Fourth time's the charm? She ain't stopping anytime soon either - if you ask her. I don't even know how to wean a baby who protests, so how can I argue much. She is going to be spoiled rotten by everyone she knows, the worst being Sophia. She is my sweet little, chubby cheeked, happy-go-lucky baby and I wouldn't trade her for anything, even though I cried when I found out she was a girl. :)

The semester begins...

2010-01-11T11:17:00.003-05:00

Well. I am in between classes at the writing of this informative blog. Class at 8 am worked out okay. We timed it perfectly by leaving at 6:30. Everyone got where they needed to be and the world did not end. Whew.

I'll tell you want did happen though. I commited myself to losing weight at 7:45 this morning. With my financial aid screwed up and not getting fixed until last Friday, I still had no books, or more importantly, no uniform. I had to run in this morning to the bookstore, grab a set of scrubs, pay, and do a quick change in the little girls room in about 15 minutes time. Besides having the slowest cashier in the history of work study programs, it worked out pretty good. Then came the moment when I ripped off the tags to my sparkling new navy blue scrub pants. That evil little letter M staring back at me. I bought mediums. Mediums. MEDIUMS? Good grief. No time for an exchange, I had to be in class in 5 mins. So I squeezed every single inch of butt and thigh into these bad boys. I'm not buying another pair. I am joining the YMCA and taking as many Zumba classes as I can until these medium pants go on with regular breathing and no funny dance.

today so far...

2010-01-05T12:41:00.005-05:00

"I'm so tired, but I don't know why." That's an example of something I might say on any given day. This morning I didn't say that. I already knew the answer. How come all "mom" jobs are just painful and not even close to being fun in any way. I stayed up way too late last night, even after I gave myself a lecture on needing to abide by my new bedtime of 10:30. I woke this morning to take Sophia to school. Winter breaks are painful for parents I found out. It wasn't the two whole weeks of, "Mom, mom, mommy, mama, mom... " It was the having to go back to the ugly old routine of getting everyone up and ready and taking daddy to work and Sophie to school. Firstly, it's MY day off. Then, everyone was still asleep this morning, which always makes it worse, and to top that off, now it's downright cold outside. Winter came over winter break. Go figure.

So we drop Sophie off at school despite her leaving her backpack at home. She was very stressed about this and who could blame her really? We drive to the grocery store. We had pretty much NO food in the house. I had to suck it up and take the three remaining angels with me in to buy our edibles for the next two weeks. When you do two weeks worth of grocery shopping with three kids in tow, you MUST use the really awkward buggy. You know, the one with the seats on the front, that is two car lengths long and never actually rolls where you want it to. The one they seem to love, but never want to actually be in for the duration. It took almost two hours and I filled that cart until it couldn't hold anything else. I put it all on the belt while repeatedly saying, "no, put that down" and "but, we're not buying candy today." (ASIDE: Whoever decided to put candy and toys in the checkout line was brilliant in marketing, but needs to be slapped in the face) Then I piled it all back into the cart so I could go and pile it into the van. The one with all the boxes for goodwill still in the trunk, you ask? Yeah, that's it. Drove home with frozen toes and then gave those bags one last hurrah into the house. After I put everything away in it's respective place in the kitchen, I began making the soup for our dinner tonight and the sandwiches for lunch. I sat down to feed Lucy and eat my own lunch. Now I get to wrap this up and gather laundry and carry it down two flights of stairs. Later, I get to bring it all back up, fold it, and put it away. All before I lose two perfectly good hours picking up Sophia and Jake. The only glimmer of great in this day off. Granny's vegetable soup for dinner. yum.

The Last 10 Years

2010-01-04T19:10:00.004-05:00

I have thought a lot about this first blog of the new year the last few days. Knowing that I wanted to write something, but just not sure what. I have been more reflective this year than any year in the past. I am usually quick to bah-hum-bug the whole "Oh it's a new year better make some lame commitment to changes that I'll break in a week." I am still not ready to jump on that bandwagon, but it's a new decade this year. My very first, "wow, ten years come and gone," moment.

I feel like the last ten years of my life are in desperate need of some reflection. I usually pretend as though most of them didn't happen the way they did or that someone else lived through it and told me about it. I have gotten so many heartaches from the last ten years, but so many, many blessings, too.

I began dating the love of my life when I was 17 years old in the year 2001. We graduated high school and were married in August 2002. In September 2003, Sophia Jade was born. So small. So loved. I didn't have a clue what to do with her, but there she was. In 2005, Simeon Jacob came along. He was my chunky eight and a half pound bundle of hilariousness. My first home birth and my first (and only) son. He still makes me smile more than anyone else on the whole planet. In August 2006, I started my journey back to school. It was a hard decision with such little ones at home, but I knew it would be for the best and worth it some day. This is also when my brother first came to live with me and I am so happy we have been able to keep him in a somewhat sane and safe home. In May 2007, little precious Alice Joelle Cleo was born into water and into my hands while her siblings looked on in amazement. I never once regretted having them there and Sophia even got to help cut her umbilical cord. Exactly a year went by and we found out another was on the way. Lucilla was born in January 2009 and even though no one can pronounce her name, my little Lucy is perfect in every way.

I could add in the parts that I think would make me a great book someday. When I found out my dad wasn't my biological father. When my parents split up but didn't think it was worth telling me. They got divorced soon after. The times when they both took turns living with me after they squandered all of their money. Also, the day I found my mom's drug stuff in my home and had to confront her. When my brother and sister had to live with me because their parents basically would rather live their own lives and be high than take care of them. How many holidays they ruined before disappearing. (for good?) The part when Simeon almost passed out in my best friend's arms and we had to rush him to the ER, he had surgery that year when they found a cyst on his skull after the CT scan. My husband had surgery a month later, after being diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder. His no spleen is a little funny now, except he's had the flu twice this year already. The girls both had surgery for tubes and Sophie got her adenoids out. She still suffers hearing loss and will have another surgery this year to repair her ear. Simeon still has ketotic hypoglycemia and we only had to see doctors for 6 months straight to figure it out. We manage it, but wish we didn't have to. Lucilla had RSV last year and had to take her to the ER when she struggled to breathe. She had a fever for two months straight and after two off blood draws is being monitored for something. (?) She gets another CBC this month. Yay doctors. Something I never get enough of. (this is the part where I am rolling my eyes.) We bought a new house and moved, but still haven't managed to be able to sell the other one. Our buyers fell through twice and we've resorted to being landlords, because that's really fun. (another eye roll maybe?)

I am sure there is so much more I could mention. I have honestly lost track of all the crap I have had to deal with. The annoying things and the truly heartbreaking things. This is a lot to have flowing through your mind all at the drop of some big shiny ball above a slew of drunk people. It is what it is and I am thankful for all of it in some way. This is the life I was given and somehow He knows what He is doing. All I can do is trust in that and start down the road for the next ten years. What will He have given me by the time I am 35?

Christmas Pictures

2009-12-21T16:02:00.003-05:00

I made an attempt to take some Christmas pictures of all the kids after church yesterday. Of course, the photo shoot was slightly less than perfect. These are a few of my favorite shots.

Christmas Crafts

2009-12-20T16:34:00.000-05:00

Does this look like a pirate quilt? I don't think so either. I hope my patience will grow over the next year as this WILL be done by next Christmas. Sophia's is still in my machine, waiting, hoping that I might set it free. I sewed about two strips before getting up from the table. I hate quilts. I despretely want to make them for the kids, but I hate making them. Someone hold me accountable. My kids will unwrap handmade quilts on Christmas 2010.

Pajama pants turned from this...
...to this.

and the other jammies, though they didn't yet get their chance in the spotlight, they are also doing just fine. I hope to get a cute picture to show them off after they're opened on Christmas Eve.

Medical Assisting

2009-12-04T20:47:00.001-05:00

I met with the admissions person for the medical assisting program at Ivy Tech last Tuesday afternoon. After looking at my grades the interview was basically done. I got in, and instead of waiting until Fall, she made room in all the full classes for me to start in January! I was so excited I could not even find words. One of those moments when you can’t wipe the goofy smile off of your face even though you know how goofy you look. I have to take 2 classes over the summer (including pharmacology! Eek!) and then fall and spring of next year. I will graduate with an associates in medical assisting in May 2011. It feels so great to see an end in sight. All my hard work actually turning into something, and not all the far away anymore. A year isn’t that long, as we can see from the fact that it is December already! All I know is I have 1 month to get back into the mindset of difficult and challenging school. No more homework the night before and not studying anything. I will be sweating for tests and reading into the night. I am actually excited about it. School is boring when it isn’t challenging. As fun as Intro to Early Childhood Education and Concepts in Mathematics have been (NOT!) I have been so freaking bored this semester. In January, I will have classes starting at 8am Monday morning. I am willing to bet I won’t be so excited about it when that becomes a regular thing. It will be my longest day and I wont even get home until around 9pm. My other two days will be normal days and it won’t be forever. I am a little nervous about phlebotomy. I have to learn how to stick people and I have to let other people, who also have no idea what they’re doing, stick me. It’s the only thing that I am scared of doing. I don’t know why. I am just thrilled that a year from now I will be going into my final semester of college. I will go back of course someday for my bachelor’s degree in nursing, but for now I’m going to have a pretty sweet thing.

Wordless Wednesday - A PSA

2009-11-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

The IMPROPER way to co-sleep. How can she even sleep like this?(Just for clarity, I was on the bed the whole time, awake, and I laid her down and she rolled this way. I took a picture and moved her. I do know better and after 4 kids none of them suffocated and I don't plan to start now.)

No more soda!

2009-11-24T23:24:00.003-05:00

I have decided to give up soda. This may seem like an easy feat for some, but anyone who truely knows me... well they know how much Mountain Dew I can consume in a single day. I finally can say how pathetic it is and I am done. I am so unhappy with the way that I look. Four kids or not, I am fat and I am tired of it. "Oh you're not fat." That's crap. "Oh I weigh way more that that." AND you're how much taller than me. I am 4' 11" and I weigh 167 pounds. When you are short there is no where for it to go but out. Could it be worse, yes. Is there a lot of room for improvement? Absolutely! I am tired of wearing only pants that have elastic waists. I don't even know what size I am because I don't own a pair of pants that really fit. The holidays are going to be hard. I am not going to give up on everything right now, because it's asking to fail. I am going to start down this road and force myself to have some control. After Luci turns one in January, I will begin to wean her and begin a serious weight loss path. Last year before I was pregnant I lost a lot of weight when I tried. I am sure I can do it again. I need everyone I know to hold me accountable. No more jokes, no more fun. I am fat and unhealthy and if I don't stop it now, where will I be in 5 years?

I hope to use this as an outlet for my frustrations and grumpiness as the caffeine withdrawals begin. I am on day 2 and already proud. I am apologizing now for anything I may do or say during this hard time in my life. :-)

Christmas Pajamas

2009-11-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

As the end of November approaches, I am reminded how far behind I am in making my Christmas projects. I began on the older kids' Christmas pajamas Wednesday. I have them all cut out and now I just need to sew them up. I chose a pretty simple raglan top pattern. I bought the fabric about a month ago on clearance. Here are my before shots, and hopefully with the whole week off next week I will have a lot of afters to show soon.

Sophia's SleeveAnother pair for Sophia (not for Christmas)Alice's PantsAll three sets completely cut out!The pattern

They are NOT stickers!

2009-11-19T23:14:00.001-05:00

My two year old has taken to raiding the bathroom for stickers. I have found these stickers posted many places upstairs this week. Oh, and, can someone tell her they are NOT stickers!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

A view not seen too often anymore. Tried a new, simple pattern for Sophia some dresses (that she's begged for!)Will use it for some khaki jumpers for school too. Took about an hour start-to-finish. Awesome.

How He loves us...

2009-11-09T23:37:00.002-05:00

One of my absolute favorite songs out there right now is "How He loves us" by the David Crowder Band. It stops me in my tracks every time and I have cried during this song more than once. It's a simple, but beautiful song. A true reminder that no matter what God loves you. It light of the tragic days behind and those that seem to keep popping up, I thought it was appropriate to remind myself of how much I am loved by such a gracious and sovereign God.

These are the words to the song and there is a link to a you tube video (with lyrics) if you'd like to listen. I recommend you take the time to do so. He has, does, and always will love you.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-28T00:01:00.001-04:00

A couple months old, but I couldn't help but chuckle when I came across these again on my phone. He found my brother's hat and this is how we found him. Silly boy - as usual!

Luci is 9 months

2009-10-23T00:01:00.000-04:00

Luci is 9 months old today! I can't believe she's already so big. I swear she was just born yesterday. My sweet little baby is growing so fast! At birth she was 6# 15oz and 20" long. Now she is 18#4oz and 25.5" long. She's babbling and clapping and learning to drink from a sippy. She's pulling up and would really like to cruise around so I am sure it won't be much longer. She's already so determined and her personality is emerging. She loves her siblings and loves to be played with. She's just so full of energy already and I can't imagine what joy she will continue to fill us with as each month passes. I love these pictures of her at one month.

Just for me

2009-10-22T20:44:00.003-04:00

It's ike Christmas come early for me. I pre-ordered a Windows 7 laptop with free express shipping from Best Buy on Monday and it came upon it's release today as promised! I was so excited to see the UPS truck pull up. I always love getting packages, but this is probably the best (and most expensive) package I have ever recieved. I got a really nice Gateway with lots of neat gadgets and gizmos and best of all it's ALL MINE!

Moms out there know, anything that it just for us is hard to come by and usually the item in question is an $0.89 Baby Ruth that we're shoving in our mouths as quickly as possible while pretending to go pee and wash your hands with the bathroom door locked. I am thrilled and already have my homework done for two classes. Also, I'm blogging from bed with a DVR full of nonsense in front of me. I may never complain about life again. Ok, now I think I am getting carried away...

Luci's Firsts

2009-10-20T16:23:00.000-04:00

Luci has been coughing and had a runny nose for a few days now. No biggie. This morning she woke up with a fever. *sigh* What you never hear about having four kids is how bored you are. Trip to the doctor in order since she'd been congested and was playing with her ear. One little peek gave me the answer I knew. Score card reads: Amoxicillan 2,028 Bowlings 0.

Luci's first ear infection. Awwww. Maybe they're mad that we put holes in them over the weekend. That must be it! or she's a Bowling...

Luci also sprouted a tooth over the last week. It's taking forever, but you can actually, sort of, kinda see it when looking for it now. If you squint real hard. She doesn't seem to notice or care except she doesn't like me to touch it. Although given the amount of things and butts I touch in any given day, maybe she just doesn't want my fingers in her mouth.

Lastly, she is pulling up and standing on stuff. Pretty offically. She mostly likes to pull up on me as if to say, "ha ha you can't ignore me anymore I am annoying AND mobile" She also loves this little singing piano toy we have. She's also found her hands and likes to randomly clap.

She's getting older and I don't like it. Jacob still wants to fix himself and my uterus cries whenever he brings it up. My last baby is clapping and getting teeth. Can't he see how much pain I am in!

The last 24 hours

2009-10-18T18:20:00.006-04:00

Do you ever have one of those days. You know THOSE days. Everything you touch turns to crap and every good is promptly erased with a bad. In the last 24 hours two people who were dear to me have died. Not people I was especially close to myself, but people that people I love very much were very close to.

My husband moved to Indianapolis from Pittsburgh, PA oh, like 16 years ago. One of the first people he became friends with was a boy named Felix. Felix's home life was less than perfect and he even lived with Jacob and his family for a long time. They remained friends all these years and though Felix's life was vastly different from Jacob's, he still considered him to be his best friend. They played ball together, saw movies together, and played video games late into the evening some nights. He was Jacob's best man at our wedding. Felix got into some bad things and started to fall by the wayside a while ago. I hated to watch my husband's friend abandon him for some obsessed need to fit in, be cool, or somehow make up for what he felt like he was missing. Such intelligence, pure talent, and beauty in the heart of this man. You would never know to look at him, but if you could get him to speak and you listened close, it was there. He did some stupid, stupid things and now he is gone from this world. Longing for a feeling gone from his pain, maybe longing for a numbness different from one he'd often felt. Whatever the reason he swallowed his last high and he will be remembered as Felix - who overdosed on drugs and died at age 26.

After hearing this news late Saturday night and going to church with a heavy heart. I took some time to reflect on my own connection to abuse. My mother has been gone for so long that I can't even remember when I spoke to her last. Her need for crack outweighs her need for her children and grandchildren. Something that I cannot understand no matter how much I try. It's a hard emotion to deal with. Love and hate all mixed together. Today I got a glimpse of the heartache and guilt I will deal with when I get the call my dearest friend got today. Her father, an alcoholic for many years, had finally been taken by this disease. James Newswanger was 58 years old and passed away this morning in Lancaster, PA. The last thing I remember her saying as I removed my own, unhelpful grief from the situation was "I was so mad at him." She was. Mad that he'd put her family through this for so long. Mad that he'd treated her mother the way he had. Mad that he couldn't overcome this disease for her, her siblings, her children and theirs. I know that anger. too well. Now that anger is guilt as she sits many miles away from her family. Grief and heartache have found this dear woman too many times and I cannot stand to see her this way. My heart shattered into a thousand little pieces as I heard why she was so incredibly upset. Her father had died. I remember how elated I would be when meemaw and pappy would be coming for a visit to Indiana. I love Jeni's parents as though they were mine. Such warm, sweet, loving, caring people. I remember laughing with them over Popeye's chicken. They don't have Popeye's in Lancaster and whenever they would make the 10+ hour trek to Indy, Pappy would always stop for Popeyes around the corner before coming to Jeni's. The last time I saw James was 18 months ago when Chris and Jeni lost Hazel. We spent a lot of time together that week at the hospital. I remember having lunch with them in the cafeteria. I don't remember how long it was before Jeni had told me he'd fallen way off the wagon. Alcohol. Again, I don't understand. Good people making bad decisions, and for what? He had been doing better. Sober for a few months. Still, it was too late for the pains he had already caused on his body. My heart is broken for Jeni and her whole family, especially those sweet little wee ones who no longer have their pappy.

There's flu in my house!

2009-10-09T22:31:00.003-04:00

The last few days have been annoying to say the least. Sophia woke up Wednesday morning with a fever. Perfect attendance out the window and she missed her very first field trip at school. Jacob stayed home with her since he has sick days left. She was miserable and her temp reached 103.2 even on alternating Tylenol and Motrin. She kept complaining that her head hurt. I talked to our doctor twice before deciding to have her checked out at Riley. They said she had the flu. Big surprise there! They said they didn't need to test her because for a healthy kid it didn't matter. The doctor said she didn't need to be treated with anything besides the tylenol/motrin, rest and fluids.

Unfortunately, some people in my family are not healthy over-all. People without spleens should not stay home with their sick children. Jacob also now has the flu. I picked up his antibiotics and Tamaflu from CVS this evening. A glimpse of how every cold and flu season will be from now until eternity.

2009-10-07T02:13:00.001-04:00

Today is supposed to be "Wordless Wednesday" but I guess I'm in the mood for words. It's almost two in the morning, I have to work tomorrow and my head is spinning. I haven't had much time to write lately, despite the recent use of Lisa's laptop all last week. School and life keep me busy. I still haven't figured out what keeps me going, but maybe I'll figure it out someday.

I've been sketchy on remembering my meds. I can always tell. I'm ready to not need them. Every night as I swallow that swallow I am sure I don't need it anymore. A few days of here and there sets me straight. The way that makes me feel makes me glad I'm on them. I've made the hard decision of taking an antidepressant for anxiety and depression. I know it helps me to be a better mother to my children and that's the ONLY reason that is good enough for me. I still feel like it's something about me that's somewhat scandalous. Like there's some terrible secret I'm hiding. Maybe it's my own insecurity over my need for this pill, but there's still a stigma around depression meds I think. However, unless you have ever dealt with it I don't think you have the right to judge. Unless you know what it is like to feel like you would rather die than go through one more day then you don't get to assume things about it. I have suffered panic attacks so great I've vomited and shook all night. Attacks that make me unable to catch my breath and literally make me think I'm dying. If you've never experienced this I don't think you get to tell me that I don't need my meds. "Getting over it" or "dealing with it" isn't an option. Social anxiety and panic disorder don't work that way. Add on my years of emotional, physical and psychological abuse and well it's a shock I'm only this screwed up. Anyone who truely knows me, knows what a tough thing this is for me. Advice: Don't kick people when they're down... You usually have no idea how they got there.

Luci is 8 months

2009-09-27T21:04:00.003-04:00

I know it's the most cliche thing on the planet to say, but can you believe this year is almost over? I swear it just started. Luci was just born... wasn't she? My little Luci started crawling this week. She has been doing the army crawl thing for a little while and getting into all the little places she thought looked cool. Then she turned 8 months old and decided to get up on her knees and crawl across the room. I absolutely cannot stand it. Of course she isn't going to stay a baby forever, but I don't get anymore so can't she slow down a little? I bought a little brown and orange purse from Goodwill over the weekend. Big enough for all of my things and enough diapers/wipes for the girls. I am losing the diaper bag and there's a good chance I won't have one ever again. I seriously haven't had a normal purse since September 2003. I am not kidding.

“Endless ways to make ‘old’ things new“

2009-09-27T20:40:00.002-04:00

A Review ofHandmade Home:Simple Ways to Repurpose Old Materialsinto New Family Treasures.by Amanda Blake Soule.
Reviewed by Jeni Newswanger Smith.

As an avid reader of Amanda Blake Soule’s blog, I was quite impatient to get my hands on her newest book about creativity and family life, Handmade Home: Simple Ways to Repurpose Old Materials into New Family Treasures. My first impression was simply, “Wow! This is beautiful!” The second: “Hey! I’ve made some of these things already!” Did I find that second thought disappointing? Not particularly, because this book contains ideas, plans, and inspiration based on 30 projects that will hopefully turn into your own unique projects. And, honestly, it simply is beautiful to look through. The photographs are lovely; even the feel of the book is perfect.
As the author of arguably the most popular parenting/crafting blog, Soule created much excitement when she announced the publication of this second book about creativity and family life. Handmade Home is kind of a flip side of her first book, The Creative Family (Click here for our review). In that book, Soule shared her thoughts on approaching daily life in a deliberately creative way as an entire family. While that book contained much inspiration and a few detailed projects, the bulk of the book contained her reflections. Handmade Home, on the other hand, is a collection of 30 upcycled projects with commentary on family and community life interspersed.
The book begins with Soule’s advice on gathering and using old or vintage materials. Of course she advises using what you already own, but encourages the use of thrift stores and estate sales to find additional needed materials. Seeing Soule use old bath towels and the remains of a threadbare tablecloth to make a new bath mat or rag bag makes me realize that reuse of materials is pretty limitless, if one takes the time to be inspired. Soule encourages people to seek out ways to use what you have to make what you need (or want):
While a few generations of consumerism and a disposable living have come to pass in recent years, many of us today are finding our way home to this more back-to-basics resourcefulness. Today, I’m drawn to repurposing for so many reasons; It allows me to live a more financially pared-down and simple life in which it’s possible to work a little bit less and live a little bit more. It allows me to connect to the past and preserve a more traditional way of life. It allows me to place value on the work of the hands and the value of human time, energy, art and craft. It allows me an aesthetic and a quality of materials that are increasingly harder to find in today’s quick and disposable products. It allows me to lessen my family’s impact on the very earth we are so blessed to live upon.
The rest of the book is divided into 5 sections (Nourish, Nurture, Play, Seek, Retreat). Each section contains a few projects with short introductions as well as a longer essay defining the category. At first the essays seemed a bit out of place, but they are a glimpse of what inspires Soule and keeps her going as she navigates the raising of four young children. As stated previously, I’ve already made a few of these projects, but even those projects have a different spin on them—pleats added to the classic pillowcase dress, children’s drawings added to a ribbon blanket. These little additions make it worth seeing the projects again. Being reminded that there are endless ways to make “old” things new is refreshing.
The directions themselves are clearly written and contain helpful hints for newer sew-ers. A more advanced seamstress will be able to use the projects as a starting point for her own creativity. A rag rug could be beautiful patterned or purposely random. A tree wall hanging with leaves of old baby cloths could be transformed into a quilt or a pillow or another unique memory item. Wonderfully, though, nearly every project is doable for beginners. The instructions are clear, and the pictures helpful. For the tentative beginner there are projects such as simple bags and even a pretty mouse pad. Soule also advises which projects are best done with or by children.
With holidays fast approaching, Handmade Home would be invaluable to those who wish to give people a bit of handmade love. Why not make some child’s art-based bookmarks or a table runner for Grandparents? Or a letter satchel for your budding writer? These projects all could be done easily and with help/input from your child.

Take Me Back Tuesday

2009-09-01T08:12:00.002-04:00

How do you play along?
We all have tons of photos from the days before the digital camera. I figure if I just scan a few each week, eventually I will get them all safely into my computer. But you don't need to scanner to participate - Just find a photo that takes you back to another time.
Head on over to A Giveaway Addicted Mommy and sign her Linky!
September 1990
This is my first grade school picture. I remember wearing this dress on the first day of school and there was another little girl who wore the same dress in green. We both thought that was pretty cool. I am still getting over the fact that I just sent my oldest to school for the first time. They are doing school pictures at the end of the month. Our first set of school pictures. I'm way more sappy than I thought I was.

Take Me Back Tuesday

2009-08-25T09:58:00.004-04:00

How do you play along?
We all have tons of photos from the days before the digital camera. I figure if I just scan a few each week, eventually I will get them all safely into my computer. But you don't need to scanner to participate - Just find a photo that takes you back to another time.
Head on over to A Giveaway Addicted Mommy and sign her Linky!
These were taken in May of 1985. Isn't that baby just adorable! I scanned in all my own baby photos last month. I think my mom told me this was my first Easter. Is Easter ever in May though? It doesn't matter. I was 10 months old and my mom had a really bad perm.

and the x-ray says...

2009-08-20T22:36:00.001-04:00

It's a fractured 5th metatarsal. That's a break in the foot bone connected to the pinky toe for all you uneducated folks out there. :) I've said it before, but just once can we please have the flu? Am I asking too much. I've gone 25 years without breaking any bones. I can't believe that accomplishment has come to an end. The swelling has gone down considerably and I've been left with some beautiful blue and purple bruising. I painted my toe nails purple to match. No, I'm not kidding. I see the orthopedic doctor on Monday morning. At the ER he said sometimes this type of fracture requires surgery. I would say I doubt mine will, but then I'd have to have the flu so I guess we'll see. The good news is now we have met our out of pocket for the year and I'm going to visit every doctor I can think of just to say hi. Also, we're going to have to have a long serious talk about getting the big V in December. I'm also going to take Luci to see the pediatric infectious disease doctor. I thought we'd wait a couple months redo blood work and see where she was, but for free, we might as well do anything we can do now.

Possible Broken Foot :(

2009-08-18T22:59:00.001-04:00

I fell down the basement stairs this afternoon. This is the second time in a year's time. What the heck? Does my laundry hate me that much? Did I unintentionally hurt the stairs in my home somehow? I just don't understand. It hurts REALLY bad and I'm fairly sure it's broken. I can't walk. I can't even really move it at all. I am surprised how much you use your foot to lift it off the ground. Maybe that sounds stupid, but I would have said it was all leg and knee. We'll I can't lift my foot off the ground so I'm going to go out on a limb and say I was wrong. I will probably visit an ER in the morning, unless I can't make it until then or Jake gets tired of walking me to potty, which ever comes first. :)

Take Me Back Tuesday

2009-08-18T00:01:00.001-04:00

Me, my sister, Amanda, and my brother, Mark. He was born in July 1991 and so I'm guessing this is late that year or early '92. He seems to be around 5-6 months, Amanda is 5 and I am 7. Look at that car seat! It cracks me up every time. The dresses we were wearing, yeah, we had like a trillion of them between us. We wore one every single day. I hated lace, frills, and smocking for a long time after this photo was taken.

I scanned all of my brother's baby pictures last month when he turned 18! I have fond memories of taking care of him as he grew up and now hope to share some new ones as Jacob and I help him become a responsible adult. Some see it as a burden, I see it as a blessing. There are far too many scenarios to draw them all out, but he's had a safe, warm home with people that love him to come home to each day. I don't think I could say that if he wasn't here with us.

You can play along at A Giveaway Addicted Mommy!

Dragon Haircut

2009-08-16T22:39:00.004-04:00

Simeon and I got our hair cut this afternoon. He wanted it cut, but needed it still to be long enough to be a "dragon" haircut. One time I spiked his hair into a mohawk and he thought it was pretty awesome. I totally see where he came up with dragon. It looks like a dragon's back when it is standing up spiky like that. He loves his dragon haircut.
(For the record, I did not receive a dragon cut. I just got a trim from a big burly guy that looked as though he should be changing the oil in my car rather than cutting my hair. I was scared to sit down, but he did a great job. Said he'd been cutting hair for 18 years! I love proof that you can't judge a book by it's cover.)We went to look at shoes afterward and he kept saying things like "mom, I can't sit back all the way or I will mess up my new dragon haircut." I accidentally brushed by his head: "MOM! You're messing up my new dragon haircut!" Geez, Sim. All that attitude, but isn't he cute!

He told me that my barbershop was beautiful. So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. If you ever doubted the decor of a Great Clips then you were mistaken. Simeon always says the funniest things. He also insists that he is four now because he is starting in the 4's class at daycare this week. He won't be four until the end of September, but refuses to believe so. He thinks just because he is going to Debbie's class that he is automatically four. I learned a long time ago there is no point in arguing with him. On a side note, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ALMOST FOUR! I can remember the second my water broke like it happened yesterday. Cliche or no cliche, kids really do grow up way too fast. Look for a lengthy blog this Wednesday afternoon when we return from the first 1st day of Kindergarten in my life. I am excited, sad, and nervous all at the same time.

Go Green Week

2009-08-16T11:09:00.002-04:00

A blog that I love to read and enter giveaways at is A Giveaway Addicted Mommy. I have posted about this mama before, but this time I am writing to tell you about Go Green Week. All next week she will be having giveaways that encourage you to, well, Go Green :) I try to be as green as possible in my daily life and though I can't do everything, I like to think that my efforts help a little. So starting tomorrow, August 17th, head on over and see what she has to offer. You'd be surprised how easy it is to enter and remember you can't win if you don't!

Wordless Wednesday (a little late, but I got it in)

2009-08-12T22:07:00.003-04:00

Luci went with us to the fair yesterday. She had a blast :)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-05T00:01:00.001-04:00

I love these crazy kids.

Take Me Back Tuesday

2009-08-04T00:01:00.001-04:00

I found these pictures (by Ben Potter) on my computer in the process of cleaning it off. I am not sure when these were taken, but I am guessing she is around two. I can't believe my baby is starting Kindergarten in a couple of weeks.

it's been a while

2009-08-01T14:39:00.002-04:00

It has been a while since my last posting. Our computer has been acting wonky and I am in the process of clearing it of everything important so I can hook up our new CPU. I cannot even begin to explain the amount of pictures and music on this computer.

Sophia had her appointment with the ENT this past week. It was her 6 month follow up and repeat hearing test. She is still experiencing some slight hearing loss in her right ear because of the hole in her ear drum. It isn't significant and really you'd never be able to tell if the test didn't show it. She doesn't ever seem bothered. Dr. Hackett wants her to go through a whole winter season without any problems and then they're going to do the surgery to repair her ear drum.

I have registered for school. I must be crazy. I went to a meeting this week for the Medical Assistant program. I am still not sure, but I may try to get into this program. I don't have long to decide. Nursing program application deadline is September 1st. I may apply for both allowing me to have two back ups. How screwed up would it be if I didn't get into the RN, PRN, or medical assisting program?

Luci turned 6 months old last week. I cannot believe she is already 6 months old. She is getting so big. She weighed 17.05 lbs at her last doctors appointment not too long ago. She has a well check this coming Friday. I have to take her on Tuesday probably to get her labs redone so we can check them out together with the doctor at her appointment. We are hopeful that everything will be fine. I haven't even taken her temperature in at least a week and a half. Clearly I am not as crazy as I once percieved myself to be. Maybe.