It is real

I am positive there are people in the world that think depression isn't real. They think you can just "snap out of it." There are others who think it is all about them. "You can't possibly be unhappy for no reason at all, so you must hate me." Also, not even close.

A truly depressed person could literally have it all, look around, and be sad inside. Trust me, I know.

More than 19 million people suffer from clinical depression in the United States. That's 1 in 10. That statistic drops to 1 in 8 when we're talking about just women. 

I have suffered from depression and anxiety disorder since I was 15 years old. That's almost half of my life. I have attempted suicide once, thought about it much more. I have turned to drugs. I have turned to alcohol. I have seen several therapists and been on many medications. There have been so many times when I have told myself to just snap out of it. Mental illness is one of the hardest things to understand.

My anxiety has been under control pretty well for the last few years. I have learned techniques to cope and use music. I know what a panic attack is and can deal so much better. The depression, on the other hand, sneaks up when I am not looking and takes over. 

This year has been absolutely life changing. I have gotten to do some awesome things, and just the same I have done some really, really stupid things. I have broken hearts and lost credibility. I won't play the victim, because I am not, but it has been an emotional roller coaster and gigantic mess. I am trying to work through thoughts and heartache. Trying to rebuild and recover. It's just not that easy for me and I while I know that it is hard to understand. I just wish people would pick up a book or an internet article and try to.