My older two kids left for camp this morning. They will be there for 3 days. When my oldest was a baby I couldn't imagine her ever leaving my sight. It was my duty to be near her and keep her safe. To protect her. To never let anything bad happen to her.
Eventually those babies turn into toddlers and toddlers into preschoolers. Those preschoolers quickly become schoolagers and I imagine by sometime next week she'll be driving my car off to hang with her homies... or whatever teenagers do nowadays. --on second thought, I don't want to know.
I have had to realize some pretty difficult things in this fun learning game they call motherhood. It is hard to realize you can't protect them from everything. It is hard to realize that one day they will grow up and move out and become completely self sufficient beings.
I was admitting to my dear friend last week that I was having a hard time with the fact that my daughter will be nine in a couple of months. It is completely stupid and irrational and just another birthday. Kids grow up. They just do.
She admitted that she too struggled with age nine because she realized that at nine years old, her daughter's life with her was now half over. While I hadn't thought of it that way myself, it was truely eye opening. I can't believe my daughter is almost half way to being an "adult."
The first nine years have flown by, and I am petrified that the last nine will follow suit. And then each child will follow suit. I am petrified that it is my job to teach them everything they need to know. Lord knows I am not perfect, how can it be my responsibility to teach them everything they need to know to live in this scary, scary world? What if I forget something important? What if I have already screwed them up so bad they don't have a chance?
Scares the crap out of me.