Saturday, March 3, 2012

Take me for what I am...

So it turns out I have a lot more time on my hands these days. After being seen in the ER for exhaustion and dehydration, I decided running myself into the ground day after day probably was no longer a good plan. I mean, I could have kept going, but eventually I was going to fall asleep while driving home from work and quite frankly, I don't have the money to replace my car so that wasn't an option.

I really liked my job, and a couple of my co-workers, so it is a little bittersweet. Also, I really liked paying my bills, so that makes it a little harder to swallow too. Oh well. I actually missed living paycheck to paycheck, so the reality of relearning to live in real poverty is awesome in my book! I hated being middle class. It's poverty in disguise. Paying my entire salary to daycare and gasoline. Working full time and still not being able to afford anything. Where's the fun in that? I mean for real? I can stay home, do nothing at all, play online all day, and the government will buy my groceries for me. Of course that's not what I am doing, but I have a new appreciation of families in the system. Our country is whack! I think I can still use that term, I don't know, I'm not really that cool.

For now I will focus on finishing nursing school, only 3 years to go *cough, cough* killme *cough, cough* I begin clincals next school year and they're going to be hell. I will likely wish to jump off of a bridge several times throughout the process, but I will prevail. And as I am so frequently reminded by a nurse friend of mine, then I'll be the sugar mama. I will be able to give Jacob some relief from working his ass off for this family. I will be able to work AND see my kids. WHAT A CONCEPT! I will have job security and a savings account. Say What?! Don't judge me. I am just a weary mother of 5, trying to make it in this world, doing the best I can. You don't like the way I'm doing it? Too fucking bad.

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