Anger. Rage. Meaness. Irrational behavior. If this were the $100,000 pyramid the correct answer would be "Things that usually lead to feeling guilty."
I am numb. I am angry. I am sad. I am numb.
A man who did not help to create me, but stepped up and helped to raise me. A man who taught me to tie my shoes, to ride my bike, to drive a car. A man who went without so that I didn't have to. A man whose life became a struggle, a battle I did not understand. An abandonment I felt, but did not understand. Reasons that do not seem to matter now. I've had him for almost 26 years, but I haven't seen him for almost 2. I think. I've lost track. I am harboring anger that I am just supposed to pretend is no longer there. The time to mend was always going to be there. It was going to happen eventually. Right? Eventually has to be now. The time is coming to an end. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. A voice I haven't heard in so long. Things so hard to hear.
A man I love is dying. There isn't much time left to spend. I'll never get it back, so how do I know if I have spent it right? Cancer. The word that sucks the energy from everyone involved. Outcomes that are undesirable. How do you live, knowing you are going to soon die? A strength I cannot understand.
I am numb.