Monday, January 4, 2010

The Last 10 Years

I have thought a lot about this first blog of the new year the last few days. Knowing that I wanted to write something, but just not sure what. I have been more reflective this year than any year in the past. I am usually quick to bah-hum-bug the whole "Oh it's a new year better make some lame commitment to changes that I'll break in a week." I am still not ready to jump on that bandwagon, but it's a new decade this year. My very first, "wow, ten years come and gone," moment.

I feel like the last ten years of my life are in desperate need of some reflection. I usually pretend as though most of them didn't happen the way they did or that someone else lived through it and told me about it. I have gotten so many heartaches from the last ten years, but so many, many blessings, too.

I began dating the love of my life when I was 17 years old in the year 2001. We graduated high school and were married in August 2002. In September 2003, Sophia Jade was born. So small. So loved. I didn't have a clue what to do with her, but there she was. In 2005, Simeon Jacob came along. He was my chunky eight and a half pound bundle of hilariousness. My first home birth and my first (and only) son. He still makes me smile more than anyone else on the whole planet. In August 2006, I started my journey back to school. It was a hard decision with such little ones at home, but I knew it would be for the best and worth it some day. This is also when my brother first came to live with me and I am so happy we have been able to keep him in a somewhat sane and safe home. In May 2007, little precious Alice Joelle Cleo was born into water and into my hands while her siblings looked on in amazement. I never once regretted having them there and Sophia even got to help cut her umbilical cord. Exactly a year went by and we found out another was on the way. Lucilla was born in January 2009 and even though no one can pronounce her name, my little Lucy is perfect in every way.

I could add in the parts that I think would make me a great book someday. When I found out my dad wasn't my biological father. When my parents split up but didn't think it was worth telling me. They got divorced soon after. The times when they both took turns living with me after they squandered all of their money. Also, the day I found my mom's drug stuff in my home and had to confront her. When my brother and sister had to live with me because their parents basically would rather live their own lives and be high than take care of them. How many holidays they ruined before disappearing. (for good?) The part when Simeon almost passed out in my best friend's arms and we had to rush him to the ER, he had surgery that year when they found a cyst on his skull after the CT scan. My husband had surgery a month later, after being diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder. His no spleen is a little funny now, except he's had the flu twice this year already. The girls both had surgery for tubes and Sophie got her adenoids out. She still suffers hearing loss and will have another surgery this year to repair her ear. Simeon still has ketotic hypoglycemia and we only had to see doctors for 6 months straight to figure it out. We manage it, but wish we didn't have to. Lucilla had RSV last year and had to take her to the ER when she struggled to breathe. She had a fever for two months straight and after two off blood draws is being monitored for something. (?) She gets another CBC this month. Yay doctors. Something I never get enough of. (this is the part where I am rolling my eyes.) We bought a new house and moved, but still haven't managed to be able to sell the other one. Our buyers fell through twice and we've resorted to being landlords, because that's really fun. (another eye roll maybe?)

I am sure there is so much more I could mention. I have honestly lost track of all the crap I have had to deal with. The annoying things and the truly heartbreaking things. This is a lot to have flowing through your mind all at the drop of some big shiny ball above a slew of drunk people. It is what it is and I am thankful for all of it in some way. This is the life I was given and somehow He knows what He is doing. All I can do is trust in that and start down the road for the next ten years. What will He have given me by the time I am 35?

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