I know saying things like. "I don't know how much more I can handle" is a bit exaggerative.
However, I don't mind being exaggerative so, I seriously don't know how much more I can handle. This is ridiculous. Did the universe pick me to point and laugh at all of a sudden? I am so emotionally unstable and I am tired of this facade. Smiling on the outside, while dying on the inside. I haven't been taking my medicine, so okay, I'm to blame that life always seems to suck. I know I wouldn't get so depressed if I took it, but I hate taking it while I am pregnant and nursing. I know it's "considered" safe. There aren't enough studies out there to convince me really. That's probably the reason Simeon has hypoglycemia. Okay, now I am being a bit exaggerative, but any mom knows that it's hard to do what you don't feel is right for your children. Even if 100 people are doing it to their kids, there's going to be 100 who aren't for differing reasons and that's okay.
I was supposed to take Luci and Alice to their respective well child checks today. You know, because the world says I have to. and they were going to get their shots. You know, because the world says I have to. Even the ones I wouldn't get, I now have to. You know, because the world says I have to. It oh so matters that I pay big pharm to get a shot to prevent my child from getting something that isn't going to hurt her in the slightest. I don't want to inject a live virus into my child for something that isn't going to hurt her. Well, guess what. The world says I have to. Now the world says I have to do it all June 11th, because I had to reschedule.
Oh and my car, yeah it still sucks. It started going back to the funky side when we were in Tennessee. Jacob and his dad drove it home with no A/C. Oh and don't forget, the windows don't roll down either. Who needs a sauna when you've got the voyager. Jake drove to work Tuesday morning and the van had been there ever since. He got it towed to the shop today and they're pretty sure it is the AC Clutch. Oh yeah, the AC clutch I've heard of that before. Whatever. That's what the guy in TN said it was. He also, however, said that it should be okay for a little while as long as we don't run the AC. Apparently, a little while is 6 hours from TN to IN and then 15 mins to the west side. I am thankful that it made it home, but still frustrated with the whole thing. It's going to be $800 to fix this so called AC clutch. Do I seem like the type of person with $800 lying around in an envelope for this type of rainy day? I'll answer for you. No. They said that they can do some kind of bypass and it would be cheaper but we would no longer have working air. No big deal. Lot's of people don't have air. Oh wait. Did we mention the part where none of the windows open? Now we have to get the windows fixed too or our children will suffer unfortunate suffocation, and so will I. We (by we I mean the bank of Mike and Lisa) already put $500 into it before the trip, now they want more. I don't even know if this van is worth putting anymore money into it. I wish we could just get a new car. I wish a lot of things. None of them ever seem to happen. What gives?
On of the things I have long loved about my dear husband is going to be the reason I kill him soon. Sometimes it is really hard to tell where the kids and I rank against the Steelers, Penguins, (fill in other Pittsburgh teams here.) I don't care that he loves sports. I love a lot of things he rolls his eyes at. We are different people in a lot of ways and that's okay. However, I am pretty sure that I never would put my yarn or fabric before his sanity and be okay with it. I try to talk about how it makes me feel, but it doesn't seem to matter. I just don't understand it and it's getting pretty old. I could care less if he hangs out with his friends and plays softball, basketball or shuffleboard. Why does it have to be 4 nights a week? We have four children, whom I can barely tolerate sometimes after being with kids at the daycare all morning long. I am just tired of feeling left out I guess. Like the lowest point on the totem pole unless it's convienent for him. This is the kind of crap people get divorced over and I can almost understand it right now. Don't get me wrong. I would never want a divorce. I love him more than anything is this entire world. I just want to be heard. Why is that so much to ask? At what point do we get to grow up and actually listen to each other?
I sent my oldest two blessings to their rooms a little while ago after they woke up the youngest blessing by screaming at each other. I am being paid back for all of the fighting my sister and I did while growing up. If my calculations are correct I only have about 16 more years of it to look forward to. Do all children fight this badly? My friends kids who are close don't seem to want to kill each other as much as mine do. Is it just here? I have no idea what to do with these children. You should have to take a class and get a certificate to be able to reproduce. They should hand you a vial of sperm and two ovaries and a uterus as you graduate from parenting college. It's no wonder children are turning out the way they are. Any ol' idiot is allowed to reproduce. As long as their kids get all their shots that is, otherwise, there might be hell to pay.