Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Sophia was so cute in the play on Sunday. She didn't have a big part. Only the lowly servant girl to the princess. She did help bring Moses out of the water so that has to count for something though, right?

Things were crazy today. I have felt like crap most of the day. I had to go and take my drug test this morning for my new job. Yeah! Not. Then on my way home I decided to stop at Ivy Tech and pick up this manual I need to study for the TEAS test that I have to take (very soon.) Then I drove by McDonald's and thought, "hey I'll surprise the kids with a happy meal; They'll love that." So I do. I get hit on twice while I'm in there. Not sure what to say about that. I hadn't showered and was still dressed in the same clothes I wore yesterday. I hadn't combed my hair and I am sure my make-up, also from yesterday, couldn't have been all that hot. So anyway I am driving home and my phone rings. I look at the screen. I almost drove off the road. Not literally, but I was almost 40 minutes late to work at the Daycare today. I spaced out completely the fact that I had to WORK. What kind of moron forgets that they have to go to work? I was so mad at myself. Luckily it was a pretty easy day and lunch was served on time still. In case you don't know I am working at the Daycare making lunch and doing clean-up while Miriam is on maternity leave. So in the past couple of weeks I have acquired two jobs. I went yesterday to an interview at the Walmart neighborhood market on Keystone Avenue. I got the job and start with an orientation pending my drug screen and background check. Lucky for me I haven't committed any felonies and I haven't done drugs since at least 99' Ha. I wish I was kidding.

It will be weird working out of the home again, but I guess things need to be done sometime. We have a lot of debt right now and I am going to help my wonderful husband work to pay it off. I let people believe it is mostly medical, which a large sum is, but we have a credit card that we also ran up when my family first came to live with us and we also now are putting all my dental work on a seperate credit card. I hate hate hate debt and the faster we can pay everything down the better in my opinion. I would probably feel differently if I had to work a ton and leave my kids at daycare all the time, but I won't have to. I will work in the late afternoons and evenings and only part-time. Plus it won't be forever so even though I will hate being away from my kids any amount of time, I know this is what needs done for our family right now. Also, if it simply doesn't work, I dont HAVE to work. It will be nice having the extra income with all the extra expenses, but we can simplify a bit more and deal. Either way I just want to not owe four arms and a leg to everyone and their mama.

Last night we went to Thoko's home to mourn with her on the loss of her father. It was a lovely time. I know that certainly doesn't sound right, but stay with me. She is from Zimbabwe and in their culture people come to the home and they pray and are just together until the person who has died has been laid to rest. It was amazing. What an awesome tradition. I wish we could learn from sharing this experience with Thoko. We prayed. We talked. We sang many songs. Just sat and provided what comfort we could offer to her in this time of loss. I thought it was an amazing way to... gosh, deal, if you will. Also, I knew it wasn't about me at all, not even a little, but I struggled holding back my tears when some spoke of their family in Englewood. Susan spoke of her real father choosing to be far away and that she was thankful that she had many fathers at Englewood to fill that which needed to be filled. Dave also spoke about what a family we have together when we cannot be with our own families. I think it is pretty obvious by now that my family has choosen to be away too, most of it anyway. Boy am I blessed with those in my life and in my actual true family at Englewood to be my mother and father, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes it pains me that I think of these people to be my family so much more than anyone in my own family, but then I remember what a gift it is and what a blessing that I have these wonderful people to share with and to just live together with and how much I would rather be around someone like Susan for every second of every day rather than even talk on the phone to my mother or aunt or anyone for a nano second once a year.

Well I never meant to get this long winded, but I figured since I am losing all of my wisdom tomorrow morning I had better go out with a bang. I hope I can cope with the pain and not need any pain meds. I don't want to take anything and so I hope it is not that bad. My mantra is If I can deliver a baby in a pool in my kitchen I can do anything. :)

1 comment:

Nathan, Amanda, Violet & Anara said...

I know how you feel about debt. It is overwhelming and in my opinion there isn't really a distinction between "good" debt and "bad" debt. Sometimes I occupy myself thinking of aggressive ways to pull out of debt, but slow and steady wins the race.

That is a neat opportunity you had to grieve as a family with Thoko. I appreciate the closeknitness of Englewood. Sometimes I wish we could have both nearness to our bio. family as well as our Englewood family - the Bowlings are fortunate.

Good luck with your teeth. Surely you had something during the procedure right?